Monday, January 9, 2012

In Which Sadako Ruins the Movies

Hey guys. I guess I can't sneak in a new post without an explanation of where I've been and why I haven't been blogging. To make a long story short...grad school and the chance to actually do some publishable writing. But I've had a little extra time, so if there's anyone still out there, enjoy!

Today's blog post is about why I'm not a movie star. (No, it's got nothing to do with acting talent.) I'd ruin most movies if I were in them.'s how!

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Martin Vanger: "My niece Harriet went missing years ago. I believe she was murdered. These flowers are from Harriet. She gave me one every year on my birthday. The rest...from her killer. Can you help me?"

Sadako: "Have you tried Googling it?"

The Graduate

Mr. MacGuire: "I just want to say one word to you. Plastics."

Sadako: "Okay."

The Graduate morphs into Dr. 90210.

Fight Club

Sadako: "Help, doctor, I've got insomnia and I'm waking up in weird places and losing track of time."

Doctor: "Well, I can't give you anything to help you sleep, but I know a good support group."

Sadako: "For insomniacs?"

Doctor: "For people with testicular cancer."

Sadako: "NyQuil cocktail, here I come!"

Black Swan

Sadako: "Well. Nobody's perfect."


Tai: "Hope to see you soon and not sporadically!"

Sadako: "Let's forget the trip to Rodeo Drive and the Fall of the House of Usher-esque relationship waiting for me at the end of this movie and see if we can find a few copies of Strunk and White instead."

Dirty Dancing

Neil Kellerman: "Last week, I took a girl from Jamie the lifeguard. And he said, 'What does he have that I don't have?' And she said, 'Two hotels.' I'm known as the catch of the county."

Sadako: *swoon*

Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, again

Karen O: "We come from the land of the ice and snow..."

Sadako: "Can someone turn down the music? Also, it's so dry here. The cold air makes me wheeze! Do you have a humidifier?"

The Exorcist

Demon: "What an excellent day for an exorcism."

Sadako: "I...can't tell if you're being sarcastic, dude."

Ghost World

Sadako: "Art teacher lady, art teacher lady! I've stopped drawing comics and I've got a new art project idea. I call it: Venus of Monistat!"

Jurassic Park

Alan Grant: "But what about the other raptors?"

Legs Satler: "We're safe. Unless they figure out how to open doors."

Sadako-Raptor: *cackles* "Oh, crap. Damn child locks..."

Muldoon: "I take back my clevah girl!"

Mean Girls

Ms. Norbury: "Okay, you were mean, superficial, looked hot in a tank top, and you spread vicious rumors. But if you become a Mathlete, you can redeem yourself. Can you do it?"

Sadako: "Don't ask me, I'm just a girl!"

Seriously, if Mean Girls had had a subplot where Cady was quizzed on the Newbery award winners from the last twenty years, I totally could have done it. But in the face of math, I turn into an Elle Woods-esque mess.