Francesca Lia Block's Nymph

The book starts off with a quotation from Ovid's Metamorphosis. No, Francesca, putting in an Ovid quotation doesn't make this book anything less than glorified fanfiction. It's a series of erotic stories that are sort of joined together. And the main point is sex. And while I have enjoyed FLB in the past, these erotic stories are quite painful to read. I recapped about five of them for your pleasure (or pain).

On a housekeeping note, I know most of you said you wanted Gossip Girl and Nanny Diaries, but I haven't gotten around to recapping either of those--hopefully, I'll have one up by the end of the week. And if you're hungry for TV, I recapped a Dr. Vink episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? on my other blog. Well, here's Nymph!

Mer

An ex surfer named Tom who broke up with his girlfriend, Tawny, hangs out on the beach all day thinking of the good old days surfing with his old lady. (Man, Bruce Springsteen and the Beach Boys really need to collaborate on a song one of these days. I'd call it Working Class Kahuna Blues.) On the beach one day he sees a girl in a wheelchair with silvery fabric covering her legs. She's your typical FLB/anime creation--huge boobs, tiny waist, super thin. Her name is Mer, and she claims that she's already met Tom (he's had dreams about being rescued by a mermaid when he was younger). Since Mer always wears that sheath around her legs, they can't have regular sex, so the whole story reads like a testimony to oral sex and breast fondling. (I get the feeling that FLB got bored and let her horny stepbrother whose girlfriend won't do oral and has weird hang-ups about her breasts, ghost-write the story.)

People speculate about how Mer and Tom have sex, like maybe Mer was molested and that's why she does the sheath thing. Some people think she's an actual factual mermaid. And me, I'm just wondering why there was no, "Why couldn't she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on the top and the lady part on the bottom?!" reaction from Tom.

Cringe worthy sex talk: "His cock feels huge, full of ocean."

Nymph

This story basically sums up everything I loved and hated about Francesca Lia Block's writing. Sylvie and Plum are best friends, "...who met at a poetry workshop in Venice and fell in love with each other's imagery--blood, lace, booze, angels, emaciated coughing boys...Also they were both shy, their hair was bleached blond then, choppy with dark roots; they only wore black thrift shop dresses or torn Levi's and vintage rhinestone jewelry." And, let me fill in the rest: they both think they were the only ones who really knew what the Velvet Underground with Nico album was about, after the bleached hair thing they decided to dye their hair black with Bettie Page bangs, and every weekend they go shopping for a new pair of Converse sneakers.

Anyway, Sylvie spends most of her time going home with skinheads who, after screwing her, reveal that they have swastika tattoos (actually, this happened in Weetzie Bat, too, and it makes me wonder if FLB had a Nazi fetish). Sylvie then gets mopey because she hasn't found a Nice Guy yet. Plum tells her she has a secret that could help Sylvie. No, Plum, I want to see Sylvie try to find love at a Klan rally and complain some more about the dearth of classy guys. Okay, okay. Plum's secret? Every time she sleeps with someone (male or female), they find the gal/guy of their dreams.

Sylvie agrees to sleep with Plum. I really wish that FLB did twist endings, and that it turned out that Plum was lying and she had a hidden camera in one of her Deepak Chopra samplers that recorded the whole torrid sex scene for posterity (and lonely horny guys watching ads for Hipsters Gone Wild in between episodes of Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, and Big Bang Theory). But Plum was telling the truth and Sylvie meets a guy called Ben at a poetry reading the next day. Ben tells her he loves her emaciated coughing boy/blood/lace/booze/angel poetry. Our Ben is an awesome liar when it comes to getting into Sylvie's lacy white fairy wing festooned thong. Either that or he really likes her poetry because he's got a hard on for tuberculosis victims.

Cringe worthy sex scene: "She can feel the warm night air on her clit and her womb is heavy inside of her." Mm, uterine talk.

Goddess

This one's about a guy called Elvis Dean who broke up with his girlfriend a few months ago and is heartbroken. (Okay, FLB, we get it, you lust after old 50s and 60s icons. Just please don't name Elvis's girlfriend Marilyn Mansfield and we'll be cool.) Elvis's guy friends try to bring him to a strip club to show him a good time and get him laid.

All the girls at this club are kind of weird and twisted looking--like there's one girl with wings and another with lots of limbs. It's kind of like if Tod Browning designed a strip club. Then Elvis sees his ex-girlfriend, Cocoa, and she's some kind of cat-girl. Her body's still a hot human but her face looks all cat-like. She tells him that this place is evil and begs him to take her away, which he does. Apparently, Cocoa ended up here because she always wanted to be a dancer and no one (Elvis included) ever took her seriously. (Honey, the only way you could be taken seriously is if you were a gorilla who mastered sign language, and even then there are going to be people making banana jokes.)

Cocoa met a guy called Wonder who promised to make her a star in exchange for her getting surgery. The surgery made Cocoa look like a cat girl. And no, not an Eartha Kitt/Julie Newmarr type. No, not even Michelle Pfieffer level. I'm talking actual cat features. Then she was trapped in the strip club to dance with all the other freak girls for all eternity and could only leave if she was really in love with someone who could help her escape (or once gravity took its toll and her tits started being less feline and more udder-like). I do have to point out that if your name is Cocoa, you can't be surprised when you wind up in a strip club (or in Paris Hilton's Kate Spade clutch). And if a guy named Wonder makes a deal with you, you better be damned sure he's black, can't see, and can sing a few bars of Signed, Sealed, Delivered.

So Cocoa begged Elvis's friend Tony to come to the strip club to take her away. Elvis tells her she was already the most beautiful woman and she sadly says that now she's a freak. He tells her, "'You're still a goddess.'"

Cocoa: "Mew?"

On a happier note, after this book came out, teen girls everywhere flooded Hot Topic trying to buy as many kitty ears and tails as they could, and Furry conventions enjoyed an all-time high in membership.

Cringe-worthy prose: "He thinks of that old wives' tale about how cats can strangle babies, take their breath away. How she will take all of his breath. How he will let her."

Plum

I smell a cross-over! Plum meets Elvis Dean. She knows that whenever she sleeps with anyone they wind up with another person but she's cool with that. She dates Elvis Dean and they're going really slow. Then one day she decides she wants to have sex with him so she drives to his apartment and finds him staring at videos of him and Cocoa doing it.

Plum tells Elvis he's been a very bad boy and proceeds to spank and finger him. After, she explains about her secret (everyone she fucks finds their real love). He says he's already found the girl he's looking for and she says she saw (meaning Cocoa). He explains that that was a long time ago, that Cocoa died. Plum says, "'I'm sorry...I wish I was her for you.'" Elvis Dean replies, "'Sweetie! No. You're you. That's all I want.'" The cynic that lives inside me and feeds on snark and ginger snaps says that Elvis Dean will soon start to channel the Jimmy Stewart character in Vertigo and start trying to dress Plum in kitty outfits, but I think I lack the requisite wide eyed wonder to really "get" FLB's books. (That's what she said when she turned me down to be her assistant back in college. Also my wardrobe is sadly lacking in gauzy fairy wings, and I made the mistake of saying I thought Springsteen was more talented than Bowie.)

Cringe worthy sex scene: "Elvis Dean stands up and Plum pulls him down over her lap. She pulls his pajama bottoms half way down so his big powerful curved ass is up in the air." Did you borrow that ass from J-Lo?

Overcoming

This story is about a girl named Carmelita and her boyfriend Tony. (The same Tony who brought Elvis Dean to see Cocoa.) Tony adores Carmelita but she's got a lot of insecurities that stem from being the middle child with gorgeous older and younger sisters. Carmelita's beautiful, too, but she doesn't think so, and she's always looking at other hot women and thinking how Tony must prefer them. Then she fantasizes about them and masturbates herself to sleep. (She's not a lesbian, though...supposedly.)

One of her fantasies involves Tony as a contestant on the dating game with three beautiful women each showing off their best feature to them (one woman shows off her huge breasts, another her huge booty, and another her long, shapely legs). Somehow, I think this was FLB's concession to the fact that women with junk in the trunk can be hot. (I do get the feeling that due to the fact that almost every FLB heroine is an emaciated hot girl that Anorexics of America complained.)

In the end, Carmelita decides to embrace her insecurities and incorporate it in fantasies with her beau by describing hot women to him while they make love. Let's count down the number of hours it takes before Tony talks Carmelita into a threesome and she agrees and then afterward they have one lies awake feeling hollow and empty inside, shall we?

In conclusion, this wasn't the worst erotic fiction I've ever read. If you'd like to read about that, wait a few weeks. It'll be up soon.

Snail Mail No More

The sequel to P.S. Longer Letter Later, here by popular demand!

Tara Starr and Elizabeth now have access to the Internet, so they can IM and e-mail away to their hearts' content. When the book starts, Elizabeth visits Tara and they have a party for her. Later on in the book, Tara's still preggers mother, Barb, is confined to bed for a while so she won't lose the baby. Tara quits the school play to stay with her Mom after school (aw). The baby is born (named Scarlett) and Tara adjusts, while getting up to some fun PG 13 scrapes.

Elizabeth continues as editor of the school poetry magazine, Silhouettes. (It's named for Elizabeth's favorite Langston Hughes magazine, not, as I had hoped, Sadako's favorite Diamonds song.) She and her friend Howie sort of date but then she decides to only be friends/soulmates with him. (Elizabeth, you can't "choose yourself" when you've only got one guy after you. And, in my opinion, you always choose the guy who hires Frankie Valli to sing for you.) The big thing that happens in this book is that towards the end, Elizabeth's father drives drunk and dies in a fiery accident.

• When Tara mentions getting a bad sunburn when she was up at her friend's lakehouse, Liz freaks: "Tara, you should really be more careful with the sun. Did you know that just a few bad sunburns can lead to SKIN CANCER? I'm not kidding." An evil little part of me wants to show Liz such tanorexics as Blayne from Project Runway and Danielle from Real Housewives of Jersey and watch her head explode.

• At school Tara's doing a project where she has to take care of egg-babies. For Christmas, Elizabeth makes little egg holders as well as an outfit for Scarlett. I misjudged Elizabeth when I decided she'd be in New Bedlam before she was 30. She'll be there before she graduates high school since she's already making homemade crap for inanimate objects at age thirteen.

• Tara DRINKS at a party. She says she has two cans of beer, a little Southern Comfort, a sip of Bailey's, and a mouthful of Scotch, and then, predictably, she vomits a lot. It's your typical teenaged drinking experience that's depicted in books and on TV--you get wasted at a party, get yelled at by mom and dad, throw up, never drink again. Unless you're the best friend who grew up in a trailer park, upon which after the first binge drinking incident, you continue to drink in private and then do something stupid that leads to you going to AA, and then no one speaking of it again. (Or you're the wealthy male love interest who goes to AA regularly and never touches the sauce until the mafia blows up your father.)

• Of course, Elizabeth gets all her information about drugs/alcohol from Go Ask Alice and freaks out, assuming that one incident of drinking means that Tara's going to be staying home from school, drinking wine coolers while watching Days of Our Lives and (Elizabeth's worst nightmare) calling Ann Landers a "boring old biddy." She also pulls the "I have an alcoholic dad card" which means she gets to act like a bitch with the excuse that she's saying all these things out of the perfectly reasonable fear that after one bout of drinking, Tara will turn into Lee Remick from Days of Wine and Roses. Elizabeth finally concludes her e-mail by saying she doesn't think she can be Tara's friend and cuts her off for about twelve days.

• When Tara's dad, Luke, picks her up from the party where the drinking took place, she and her best friend Hannah throw up in the car. Luke gets annoyed and Tara says he never gets angry when baby Scarlett spits up, and that pisses him off even more. Okay, Tara rocks, just for that comment alone. But if you're really seeing red, Luke, there's nothing like renting the Exorcist for being grateful for your progeny's regurgitative habits.

• Elizabeth and Tara have plans to talk on Thanksgiving evening (either on the phone or AIM). Elizabeth writes Tara a letter telling her what she did that day because she figures they'll probably spend the whole time when they actually speak in person talking about Tara's baby sister. Liz really needs to make friends with those women who shoot out a baby and then find Junior's bowel movements and spit up patterns the most fascinating conversation because she's probably the only childless person who would find that stuff interesting.

• Elizabeth's father does such embarrassing things as show up drunk at their house when the Bessers (Howie and his dad) are over. He also sends Emma a huge stereo system. (Emma is Elizabeth's four year old sister.) I really wish that this plotline had been used in the BSC. For Stacey, of course. Come on, you know that her workaholic dad was already hitting the sauce, but wouldn't you love to see him lose his job and eventually die, and for Stacey and her mom to downsize to a tiny apartment, and for Stacey to never darken the doors of Bloomie's again? And for her to barely be able to afford insulin, let alone a tacky new outfit every week?
  

• I'm not sure why Ann M. didn't want Elizabeth and Howie to do anything remotely interesting, like get to second base. And I'm not talking about second base for the 00s, or even for the nineties. Second base by Ann M.'s early sixties standards (kissing without tongues) would have been fine. Really, I found myself wondering what Elizabeth would have been like if Paula had gotten to work with someone besides Ann M. Martin. Like, what if she'd been a Judy Blume creation? (Less, "OMG, Tara, I made your baby eggs a knit sweater!" and more, "OMG, CVS is stocking a new brand of tampons with LILAC scent, oh if only I had my period. I must, I must, I MUST increase my menstrual pus!") Or an ethereal Francesca Lia Block character who talks to rainbows and wears fairy wings while listening to punk rock music and screaming and writing poems about skinny hipster boys. I'm starting to think that both Paula and the reader got really gypped.

• My favorite part is when Tara talks about Liz's dad and his death: "I keep thinking about what the police officer told your mom--that your dad probably died instantly when the car hit the tree. As awful as that is, I'm so glad he didn't have to live through the explosion." This couldn't get any better unless Paula Danziger had added, "And at least he couldn't feel any pain when wolves pulled his body out of the car and feasted on the charred remains."

What lies ahead for Tara and Elizabeth? I see the two girls at college, Elizabeth at Wellesley, inspiring Tom Wolfe with her chastity and her sensibility to write a sequel to that Charlotte Simmons book, and Tara at Sarah Lawrence living the life of a typical Bret Easton Ellis creation, e-mailing each other about their cool new lives.

"Hey Elizabeth, how was your weekend? I went into the city where we finally got a chance to use our fake IDs. I know you're always telling me to be careful, and I was. I only let the underground filmmaker that I met finger me in the bathroom at the Slipper Room (no more bathroom blow jobs for Tara Starr!) and he's putting me in his new experimental film, An Untitled Work of Staggering Mediocrity. How's your macrame horse?"

"Tara, I TOLD you to be careful. Using the bathroom in clubs below 14th Street seems...really dangerous. I went to a Well Woman meeting this weekend where one of the tips was to never sit on toilets in public places like bars and if you must, to ALWAYS use a toilet seat cover. Please, Tara, this is really important--you could get gonorrhea or herpes or worse! The macrame horse is coming along great--but I think he's a zebra now. I spent all Saturday night working on him, after I finished doing all the reading on the syllabi for all my classes, of course. Did your roommate like the homemade samplers I made for you guys last month?"

And that's all, folks! I don't really have a particular book in mind to recap as I haven't really read anything YA this weekend. I do still have the first Gossip Girl book, and I've got a bunch of stuff that I've owned for a while but never recapped. So vote in the poll and tell me what you want me to do next, or if you have a particular YA book in mind that needs snarking and yet hasn't been done yet, totally let me know.

P.S. Longer Letter Later

I've had this written for a while but never got around to posting it. Since it was requested, I decided to finally proofread it and post.

This book was jointly written by Ann M. Martin and Paula Danziger in letter form. It's about two seventh graders who were best friends until one moved away. Now they're sending each other letters and we get a sneak peek. The authors wrote it by writing each other letters as their characters. Ann M. was Elizabeth, an upper middle class girl who makes Mary Anne Spier look like Paris Hilton. Paula was Tara*Starr, a fun loving girl with a wild streak who makes Paris Hilton look like Paris from Gilmore Girls. (Okay, she's not that bad.) Overall, compared to Ann M.'s usual BSC fare, it's great. For Paula Danziger, it's pretty lousy. Anyway, the book is basically these two old biddies sniping passive aggressively at each other in teen girl form.

It starts when Tara*Starr moves away. Tara's parents, whom she calls Luke and Barb, had her when Barb got preggers at 17. They're generally wacky, inexperienced, BoHo types. (So they get points for not naming her Tripp. Tripp*Starr? Trippster?) Apparently Tara pretty much raised herself--but hey, she gets to call her parents by their first name, so it's all good. They're getting their act together now and have a lot more money than they used to and are settling down in their new town. Elizabeth's family, however, is disintegrating. Elizabeth's dad loses his half a million dollar job for doing something skeevey that isn't mentioned (Mr. Madoff? is that you?) and then starts drinking and spending more time ordering off QVC than Big Love's Nicki Grant.

Tara's problems mainly revolve around her getting a little more rebellious. Also, her parents decide to have a new baby and she freaks out over that (see? this is what normal middle school girls do!) until her parents reassure her that everything's going to be okay.

Finally, Elizabeth's parents decide to downsize to a new apartment. Elizabeth moves there with her four year old sister Emma, and her mother, but her dad runs out on the family just before they move. Elizabeth also starts running the poetry magazine and makes two new friends who also live in the area in equally poor digs and love poetry, named Howie and Susie.

• You can tell Elizabeth is an Ann M. creation. In her very first letter she includes a detail about a girl, Karen Frank, who goes to their school and every first day of school, she vomits in the water fountain. (Ann M. Martin is the only author I know who thinks that being easily nauseated is a character trait. See also Margo Pike.) And everyone at school is busy speculating whether or not a girl named Joelle got a nose job. (See also Cokie Mason.) Damnit, Ann, I thought you were supposed to be boring and wholesome--thirteen year old girls getting nose jobs is really more Gossip Girl meets Dr. 90210, isn't it?

• Elizabeth thinks that Elizabeth Bennett doesn't sound all that interesting an idea for a costume (Tara's thinking of going as her for a Halloween party). Well, Lizzie Bennett is opinionated, witty, stands up for what she believes in, and gives men what for if they get saucy with her. Yeah, I can't see Elizabeth liking her. Characters Elizabeth probably likes: Beth March, Snow White, Mrs. Tiggie-Winkle. Hey, she says she's loving The Yearling. You know, the book that manages to make baby deer seem dull.

• Gigundoly huge mistake. Tara talks about what she and Liz wore their first day of school for the past four years. (What, do you guys have meetings and take minutes the night before every school year begins?) She mentions Elizabeth borrowing her mother's pearl earrings for one first day (and at Christmas, Liz's father gives her a pair of pearl earrings). But in a later letter, Tara mentions getting hers pierced again and suggests that Elizabeth get her ears single pierced. Liz says no, that she's not ready. This glaring error shocks the hell out of me considering what an earring fetishist Ann M. is. (Speaking of earrings, I think I waited so long to wear earrings because after reading so many BSC books, I assumed that all earrings had to be things like llamas made from real llama fur or suns wearing sunglasses or dogs hula dancing.)
  

• At one point, Tara says she's really glad to have Elizabeth as one of her best friends. Elizabeth writes back, You have friends besides me?! I come home from school and stare at the mailbox until I receive a letter from you, even if the mailman's already come for the day. I'll just be in my room crying while you hang out with all your new, fun friends. Okay, not really, but it's pretty creepy. Here's what she really says: "Do you know that in your letter you called me one of your best friends in the entire world? One of your best friends. ONE of them. [ed note: love the caps locks. Caps locks--when italics just aren't enough.] I thought I was your only best friend. You are my only best friend. So who are all these other best friends you have?" Cut the umbilical, Liz! (By the way, this was HAD to be a veiled insult referring to the time Ann M. found out that Paula was also friends with Judy Blume and E.L. Koninsburg.)
  

• Elizabeth whines, "You hurt my feelings. You really did. But I can't concentrate on that for too long because of all the other stuff." Burn.
  

• Tara says she feels awful that Elizabeth's dad is an alcoholic, that her mother is AWOL, and that Elizabeth is in an emotional war zone. Liz is a bit peeved: "Dad just has a little drinking problem now, that's all." Denial isn't just a club in McMaynerberry!

• Tara gets worried and calls up Elizabeth to see how she's coping with all the changes. Elizabeth's father picks up and yells at her and then hangs up. Tara starts crying and Barb calls back and tells Liz's dad off. Go Barb! Now call up Bernie Madoff and scream at him. You know you want to. Though to be honest, I can commiserate with Mr...uh, Elizabeth's dad. (Ann M., you forgot to give your character a surname. No more macrame-ing toy giraffes for your godchildren until you learn to proofread!) I spent the whole book wanting to take the piss out of Tara as well.

• Tara and Elizabeth compare notes about their New Year's Eve happenings. Tara goes to some party and gets kissed by a guy with braces, and his braces brush against her lip. Ew, ew, ew, do not need to hear about twelve year olds "getting it on"! Liz's doings are more Ann M-ish. She and Emma stay home while the 'rents go out. Emma falls asleep at 9:30 and Elizabeth reads and then works on some cross-stitching. (I wanna party with you so bad, Ann M. Actually that's a bit risque for Ann. On New Year's Eve, I bet she has dinner, feeds the animals, takes the dog on a walk, answers fan mail, crochets, has a glass of sparkling apple juice and then stays up till 10:00 because it's a special occasion.) Anyway, after a thrilling hour of cross-stitching, Elizabeth goes through her parents' things and finds out they're in debt so bad that if Suzie Orman were here, her dad would be hog tied, handcuffed and summarily whipped (and no, not in the manner to which Elizabeth's mom has him accustomed to enjoying).
  

• Tara tells Elizabeth that her parents are thinking of having a baby. She asked Barb if they were going to have one, but Barb just said not yet, "but they are 'continuing to practice' so that they don't forget how babies are made." Risque, Paula! I approve. Ann M. (er, Elizabeth) responds: "Tell Barb and Luke to stop practicing and start planning!" Uh...Ann M., in that context practicing=sex, so they can't really stop. Either Ann M. is militantly asexual (that would explain the virtual cornstarch she keeps sending her friends as a FaceBook gift--it's real good for keepin' down the urges!) or that joke just went way over her head. But either way we all need to send her how babby is formed, how girl get pragnant.

• Though Ann M.'s hatred of all things sex-related does make me think that maybe this is why no BSC characters ever menstruated. They just don't do it. Or perhaps it's because she knows that other, more talented writers, already wrote the book on menstruation (and it was called Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret) and she needs to step down and write the book on thirteen year olds who love to crochet baby booties.

More insults:

• From Liz: "Look up 'sympathy' in the dictionary. One of the definitions is 'the ability to enter into another person's mental state...' Why can't you do that...I'm trying to remember if you've always been unsympathetic and judgmental or if this is something new.'" Not bad. The bitterness is strong in this one. If I ever get roasted by the Friars' Club, can Liz be roastmaster? It beats variations on "Sadako's vagina so big, things often get trapped in it."
  

• Tara mentions that she feels bad that the things she complains about aren't as serious as Elizabeth's problems. Tara's worst issue is breaking up with her short term boyfriend while Liz's problems include hiding behind couches when creditors come a courtin'. Elizabeth shoots back with, "I never said we hide behind couches...I just said we hide. But you make stuff up, Tara, and then you try to build a case on it." Man, Liz, you don't let Tara get away with anything! Where were you when Cochran and the Dream Team were bee bopping and scatting all over Marcia Clark's career with the Chewbacca defense?
  

• From Tara: "I don't need you as a friend. I have lots of friends here...I was a better friend that you know. I've always supported you -- when everyone talked about how shy and quiet you are, and some people even thought you were 'snobby' because you hardly ever talk to anyone." Well, replace "snobby" with "bookish, introverted, sexless, cat-loving shut in" and I'm on board.
  

• Incidentally, Elizabeth is following suit in the Cult of Baby. (I TOLD you she was an Ann M. creation.) She writes a letter to Barb and Luke congratulating them on the baby: "A baby! A brand new baby! [ed's note: No, Elizabeth, a used, 50% discounted one.] You could name her Mary. It's plain, but it's one of my favorites. [ed's note: YOU like plain things?! Get out! Do you like plain vanilla ice cream, too?] Or what about Emily, Allison, Paige, Grace, or Anna?" Ugh. I like Tara's suggestions better. (Barb says that Tara suggested IT or DemonSeed.) I take it back, Tara, you're all right.

In total, this book was fun back in the day, but even more fun in the light of snark. There was also a sequel called Snail Mail No More where the girls discover e-mail and instant messages. Fun times. I can't wait for the drama of Tara*Starr deciding to block Elizabeth on AIM and then Liz creating a second IM handle to check up on her and then freaking out and writing a thousand "I WILL NOT BE IGNORED, TARA" posts on Tara's Facebook wall. The Internet is for stalking, lalalala! Plus, don't you want to speculate how tacky the color scheme of Tara's MySpace page is, and which lolcats are Elizabeth's favorite?

Kreativ Blogger Award

Got this from Rhiannon Hart and am very grateful! Thank you so much!

The rules state that:
Once you receive this award you are to list seven of your favorite things and then nominate seven other blogs.

So, here are my seven things.

1. Freaks & Geeks DVD commentary where Mr. Rosso narrates in character. I love Mr. Rosso.

2. Frozen Milky Ways and not so frozen Oreo cookies.

3. My new Bare Escentuals powder foundation. It's so sweet.

4. Watching wholesome Full House and then watching comedy clips of Bob Saget and his blue humor bits.

5. Annie's instant mac and cheese. Mmm, bunny pasta!

6. Getting two bingos in one game of Scrabble.

7. Watching old performances on youtube, like this one.

The seven blogs I'm nominating:

1. My friend Ali's new blog, Travel Rambling. (Blog about our trip to the aquarium now, dammit!)

2. Are You There Youth? It's Me, Nikki.

3. The Literary Adventures of Lindsay Monroe.

4. Cupcake Witch.

5. The Unprofessional Critic.

6. Candy's Blog.

7. Shadyside Snark.

You're smart enough, good enough, and goddamnit, people like you. All of you.