Today's blog post is about why I'm not a movie star. (No, it's got nothing to do with acting talent.) I'd ruin most movies if I were in them. And...here's how!
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Martin Vanger: "My niece Harriet went missing years ago. I believe she was murdered. These flowers are from Harriet. She gave me one every year on my birthday. The rest...from her killer. Can you help me?"
Sadako: "Have you tried Googling it?"
The Graduate
Mr. MacGuire: "I just want to say one word to you. Plastics."
Sadako: "Okay."
The Graduate morphs into Dr. 90210.
Fight Club
Sadako: "Help, doctor, I've got insomnia and I'm waking up in weird places and losing track of time."
Doctor: "Well, I can't give you anything to help you sleep, but I know a good support group."
Sadako: "For insomniacs?"
Doctor: "For people with testicular cancer."
Sadako: "NyQuil cocktail, here I come!"
Black Swan
Sadako: "Well. Nobody's perfect."
Clueless
Tai: "Hope to see you soon and not sporadically!"
Sadako: "Let's forget the trip to Rodeo Drive and the Fall of the House of Usher-esque relationship waiting for me at the end of this movie and see if we can find a few copies of Strunk and White instead."
Dirty Dancing
Neil Kellerman: "Last week, I took a girl from Jamie the lifeguard. And he said, 'What does he have that I don't have?' And she said, 'Two hotels.' I'm known as the catch of the county."
Sadako: *swoon*
Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, again
Karen O: "We come from the land of the ice and snow..."
Sadako: "Can someone turn down the music? Also, it's so dry here. The cold air makes me wheeze! Do you have a humidifier?"
The Exorcist
Demon: "What an excellent day for an exorcism."
Sadako: "I...can't tell if you're being sarcastic, dude."
Ghost World
Sadako: "Art teacher lady, art teacher lady! I've stopped drawing comics and I've got a new art project idea. I call it: Venus of Monistat!"
Jurassic Park
Alan Grant: "But what about the other raptors?"
Legs Satler: "We're safe. Unless they figure out how to open doors."
Sadako-Raptor: *cackles* "Oh, crap. Damn child locks..."
Muldoon: "I take back my clevah girl!"
Mean Girls
Ms. Norbury: "Okay, you were mean, superficial, looked hot in a tank top, and you spread vicious rumors. But if you become a Mathlete, you can redeem yourself. Can you do it?"
Sadako: "Don't ask me, I'm just a girl!"
Seriously, if Mean Girls had had a subplot where Cady was quizzed on the Newbery award winners from the last twenty years, I totally could have done it. But in the face of math, I turn into an Elle Woods-esque mess.