What with many of my friends living in other states and such, I decided to branch out. Meet a new social circle. And then I got real and turned to my real love--TV, books, and movies. Here's how attempting to befriend fictional outcast/iconoclastic girls went.
Daria
Remember when Jane Lane unfriended Daria and blocked her Twitter messages after Daria kissed Jane's beau, Tom? Well, that's what would have happened today. Anyway, I inserted myself into the picture as Daria's friend when Jane was off entertaining bunny boiling fantasies. Daria and I had a blast at our first slumber party, watching Sick Sad World marathons and having book club discussions on The Beauty Myth. She snarked on Kevin and Brittany (the QB and cheerleader) and I snarked on Kevin and Britney (the trailer trash and the aging Miley Cyrus). But I couldn't escape the disdainful looks when I broke out my six tiered eyeliner container.
Lisa Simpson
The age difference wasn't as odd as you'd think. She got tired of playing Malibu Stacey adopts children from Malawi while becoming a UN Goodwill Ambassador and heading N.O.W. long before I did. And we both enjoyed dressing Snowball II up as a baby. However, Lisa doubted my commitment to both sparkle motion and left wing political causes after a while. (I got a little mixed up--turns out we're supposed to hate the Taliban and Ahmadinejad and love peace and sustainability.) And no, showing her my vast collection of Obama buttons and Livestrong bracelets weren't enough to bring her back.
Andrea Zuckerman, Vintage 90210
"Hi, new best buddy. Let's trade glasses frames and copy edit late into the night. So, Andrea--"
"Sorry, it's Ahndrea."
"Right. Andrea."
"ON-drea."
"And...DRAYuh?"
"This isn't going to work out."
Plus, being friends with me is a pretty big commitment, and I really would have interfered with her stalking of ole Caterpillar Brow.
"Sorry, it's Ahndrea."
"Right. Andrea."
"ON-drea."
"And...DRAYuh?"
"This isn't going to work out."
Plus, being friends with me is a pretty big commitment, and I really would have interfered with her stalking of ole Caterpillar Brow.
Enid, Ghost World
I've always loved Enid. She has the "I don't give a shit" punk rock attitude of Joan Jett, the vulnerability of a young Marilyn Monroe, and the artistic ability of a young Sophie Crumb. She gets points off for being best friends with Scarlett "Flat Affect is the New Black" Johanssen but no one's perfect. I mentally inserted myself into Ghost World, sending Scar-Jo off to try to get into the pants of Alien Autopsy frontman at the local Battle of the Bands.
Enid and I giggled over Scar-Jo ("Yeah, she's bringing curves back?" "And crisco fried marshmallows!") and pretended to be hot supermodels interested in e-mailing nebbishy middle aged guys frequenting the Missed Connections section of Craig's List. Of course, the fun all came to a crashing halt when she discovered my copy of We Are the World and refused to take my phone calls. I tried renting Sid and Nancy to meet her musical tastes halfway, but then she went away forever and I never saw her again.
Hope you enjoyed this. I'm posting part the second in a few days.
Hope you enjoyed this. I'm posting part the second in a few days.