Sometimes I wonder how my favorite movies get made. I decided to let my imagination go wild after I saw The Black Swan this month as I pictured director Darren Aronofsky pitching his movie before the big suits.
Also, congratulate me. This marks post #200 for me. Have a slice of scary ass ballet cake in my honor on your way out. (I hear Natalie Portman is celebrating some Black Swan related news herself, so have some grapefruit on her behalf if you like.)
Finally, if you enjoyed this, stay tuned next week for Movies in a Minute: The Black Swan.
Studio Execs: "Have a seat, Darren. So, tell us about The Black Swan.
Darren Aronofsky: "It's about a ballet dancer, Nina. She lives in a sad, pathetic uptown apartment with only her crazed mom and her food issues."
Execs: "That went over well in Precious. Let's replace the pig knuckles with ballerina cake. What else you got?"
Darren: "Well, dance and the ballet world are apparently even more competitive than the intense world of pro-wrestling. Nothing like my brief exposure to Angelina Ballerina led me to believe."
Execs: "Interesting."
Darren: "I was thinking that Nina could use her passion for dance to unleash her sexuality. Through dancing this intense role, she'll go from being meek and sweet to an erotic being. I don't think that anyone's approached it from that angle."
Frances "Baby" Houseman: "I'll go sit back in my corner now."
Fran, Strictly Ballroom: "I'll join you."
Gypsy Rose Lee: "Save me a pole."
Execs: "How are you going to signify that Nina has transformed from child to a sexualized woman?"
Darren: "I was thinking we could have her throw her stuffed toys down the garbage chute."
Execs: "Worked for Tim Burton's version of Selena Kyle!"
Corduroy: "You guys know this is the kind of thing that kept me obsessively sleepwalking to the attic for spare buttons for like months after I got adopted, right? This is my nightmare fuel."
Execs: "But it still needs a little something extra."
Darren: "Some really disgusting bloody scenes straight out of the Grossology that show the artist pushing her body to the limit? In case you'd like to get an idea of what I'm capable of, I brought the unedited versions of Requiem for a Dream and The Wrestler, some preliminary sketches, and my scab collection."
Execs: "Well, we were thinking along the lines of Oscar-bait."
Darren: "How about a movie that messes with the audience by including scenes that might be imaginary?"
Execs: "OK. But can you make it...sexy?"
Darren: "How about the hallucinatory scenes culminate in a lesbian scene, featuring a brunette actress low on ability but heavy on sensuality. Preferably one who's dating a former child star--it shows willingness to hit the casting couch. Megan Fox, or failing that, Mila Kunis."
Execs: "Sounds like Jennifer's Body meets Repulsion. It's a hit! Any ideas about the music? Something classy, no doubt."
Darren: "The score to Swan Lake?"
Execs: "Since it's either that or the only other classical score anyone on board knows about--the 1812 Overture--we'll go with it. What about the ending?"
Darren: "She stabs herself and then carries on with her art. The camera will go to black at the end, implying her death."
Execs: "I don't know. Didn't you just do that in The Wrestler?"
Darren: "Okay, how about the camera fades to white instead, implying her death?"
Execs: "Love it!"