P.C. tells Jessie how young and irritating Kelli and Camille were at dinner, with the air of the Vicomte de Valmont informing Mertreuil that he couldn't possibly seduce Cecile de Volanges because it would simply be too easy. Then P.C. tells Jessie that Kelli and Camille thought that she was a bitch and that he agreed. She reacts by going Miss Piggy on him and smacking him across the face.
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Next, shopping. Taylor and her friends go shopping at a vintage store to find something nice for her date with Sebastian. Wait, she's not going to Dolce & Gabana? Something tells me that this is the prep school world equivalent of Scarlet O'Hara taking a pair of scissors to her curtains to make a suitable dress. Taylor tells us she's pretty much only dated public school boys with the same tone of voice that a woman in the antebellum South might say that someone's only dated mulattoes. Her friends ask her who she likes better, her recent ex, Cole, or Sebastian. When the others ask whom she prefers, Taylor says, "I don't know, I guess I'm stressed out." The girls debate the merits of the two boys. "Or who has more money--Sebastian," they agree. Aww, it's like watching a teenage Lily Bart with her friends.
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Later, Kelli and Sebastian meet up. (Remember that last time Kelli brought Sebastian to Taylor's party and he ended up being way more into Taylor.) Sebastian brings her a peace offering to make up for her going home so soon: a box of cupcakes. I can SWEAR, I can see her checking the box to make sure they're Magnolia bakery cupcakes. When it turns out that Sebastian didn't do anything as declasse as purchase something made by Hostess or Mrs. Freshley's, she starts creaming her Seven jeans and hugging the hair flippy moppet. Kelli voiceovers that she LOVES cupcakes even more than regular cake (how quirky). Then she asks Sebastian out to dinner, but he tells her he's got dinner plans with Taylor.
Behold: the ugliest therapist's office in all of Manhattan.
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I wait for the psychiatrist to start screaming at him that he's a self-centered sociopath and that ripping out magazine pages is not cool before she terminates her services. But then I realize that great legs and a hip, modern office are not the only things that Jennifer Melfi has that this shrink/bag lady lacks.
Sebastian voice overs that he's bringing Taylor to a French restaurant and that speaking French to the gals always works. Yeah, well, until the day you meet a girl with a Nazi fetish, but okay. Sebastian hair flips and tells us that this is his favorite restaurant. Taylor reminds us how important this date is for her social status because she normally dates sex offenders and juvenile delinquents public school kids, and Sebastian's a prepster. We get it. Taylor thinks, "It's a turn on when a guy is bilingual." No, wrong bi, Taylor. She goes on to talk about how much she loves money and social status and everything that prep schools represent. The two of them speak French and Sebastian smiles, since he's on Muzzy tape 3 while Taylor's still on Muzzy tape 1. Also he's seen Telefrancais in its entirety, so there.
Then it turns out that Taylor's a vegan and she only orders salad with no dressing (what? no very special musings on anorexia? saving that for a few episodes later?).
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P.C. meets with Amanda, his ex, to ask what he did wrong in their relationship. If the answer isn't "Fucking the pool boy when you were supposed to be with me at a very important dinner date," you can smack my ass and call me Agador Spartacus. Amanda tells us that they were at different points in their lives.
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Another friend of P.C. offers to set him up on a blind date. He asks if the girl from Jersey and they giggle. "Absolutely not," his friend assures him. (Damn, no Real Housewives of Jersey cross-over? Danielle Staub would probably forgo her weekly tan 'n tox to blow this guy.) P.C. wants something a little more tasteful in his relationships from now on. Oh, honey, next to your last two fillies, a Fleshlight is more tasteful.
Camille and Kelli go to a downtown spa to kvetch about that meddling Lizzie Bennett and her designs on Mr. Darcy. Oh, wait, I mean Taylor's hard on for Sebastian. After calling Sebastian, Camille and Kelli find out that he kissed Taylor after their date. That hussy!
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In a loft somewhere, Jessie bitches to Downtown Zoe about the little girls down the lane--Camille and Kelli. They called her a bitch for being rude at that fashion event. Jessie defends herself saying she was there to network and that the fashion industry is "hard" and "cutthroat." Hmm. Thai jail. East L.A. Berlin in the 1930s. All those pale in comparison with an industry where people are arguing over where the poof should go in the next teacup poodle sweater line. The two talk about Zoe's upcoming party.
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Camille and Kelli invite Taylor to an expensive store to be total bitches and also to show off how much money they have. Camille tells us that the public school scene is very laid back next to the prep school scene. New Bedlam Asylum for the Criminally Insane is laid back next to the prep school scene. As the girls question Taylor about how the date went, she tells them it went well and they giggle at her while she looks uncomfortable. They invite her to go to Zoe's party that night. Then the preppies try on ugly clothes while Taylor looks on at the clothes she can't afford.
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Ooh! It's a tableau of my toys from when I was little. The My Little Pony doll who fell in the toilet talks on the phone while my brother's plastic Free Willy doll (I mean action figure) beaches itself.
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Meanwhile, P.C.'s on the prowl! Blind date night is tonight and the chin pubes are out in full effect! Sure, he's missing Zoe's party but all these parties are the same after a while. As he perches there, waiting, I'm thinking that I owe Moe Syzlak a C note if a human girl actually does show up.
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At the party, Kelli tries to flirt with everyone's favorite Muppet slash surferboy Sebastian. Camille says hi to Sebastian and he tells her she's got something in her teeth (ouch! Fozzie Bear's got claws). Then Taylor shows up and it's Go Time. The hair starts flipping. Kelli tears up.
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But there's trouble in paradise for young Gatsby and Daisy. Taylor's old, public school boyfriend, Cole, has shown up. I don't know why Sebastian's so worried. Cole doesn't have long, flippable hair. Finally, Cole leaves and Sebastian and Taylor dance the dance of a thousand prepsters and then leave together.