TV in a Minute: Twilight Zone: Eye of the Beholder

Sorry for the long wait, folks. In honor of this past weekend's Twilight Zone-a-thon, I present: Eye of the Beholder, the first episode of the Twilight Zone that I ever saw.

Janet Tyler: "Well. Here I am. In for my final surgery that will determine whether or not I can be made to look like a normal member of society. It's pretty bad, isn't it, Nurse?"



Nurse: "I've seen worse."

Sadako: "I see this hospital actively recruits from the Nurse Ratched School of Proper Bedside Manner."

Janet Tyler: "I never really wanted to be beautiful. I never wanted to look like a painting or anything."

Sadako: "Though I'm sure Dogs Playing Poker must have cruelly taunted you every time you saw it."

Janet: "I just wanted people not to scream when they looked at me."

Nurse #2: "Have you seen patient 307?"

Nurse #1: "Indeed I have. If it were my face I'd bury myself in a grave. Want to gossip about the burn victim unit next and the slightly less cute babies in NICU?"



Rod Serling: "In a minute we'll see what's under those bandages, keeping in mind that we're not to be surprised by what we see under them. It could well be a three eyed Martian, a Crucible esque satire of Communism, the devil, or Hitler."



Doctor: "Frankly, your case has stumped us, Miss Tyler. Nothing we've done so far has helped. Shots, surgeries. Though there is the up and coming paper bag over the head technique coming in from the Middle East..."

Janet: "What happens if I haven't responded?"

Doctor: "This is your eleventh surgery. After this, you won't be permitted to have any more surgeries to make you normal. But there are alternatives. We could...just put you away somewhere."

Janet: "You mean a GHETTO!"

Doctor: "Miss Tyler, please! I worked hard on carefully crafting my euphemisms for you."



Janet: "It isn't fair! Who is the State to decide who's normal and who isn't! The State isn't GOD!"

Doctor: "Oh dear. Nurse, nurse? Bring sedatives."

Janet: "Take the bandages off! Take them off!"

Doctor: "Well, we were hoping to keep them on another couple days, maybe stretch out the suspense of this episode to an hour...but okay."

Nurse #1: "You look tired, Doctor."

Doctor: "I hadn't thought about it. I suppose I have been under some tension. Dealing with the ugly and all that. I've seen this woman's real face--her soul. It just makes me wonder if conformity is the answer."



Nurse #1: "Doctor? What are you saying?"

Doctor: "Sorry. We're barely at the twenty minute mark and I thought a long self reflective monologue was called for."

Nurse #1: "This case has upset your balance, your sense of values."

Doctor: "That, and working in a hospital where there are so many power outages."

Nurse #2: "Leader's speaking tonight. He goes on in just a few minutes. Hope it's Orwellian and not Vonnegut-esque tonight."



Sadako: "Flat-screen TVs. Well, Rod, you may not have been able to predict the future of artificial intelligence, time travel, or extraterrestrial life, but you got TV right."



Leader: "Tonight's fireside chat is on glorious conformity. As is the tradition, I'll be saving any close up or medium shots for the conclusion of my speech."

Ayn Rand: "No! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"



Doctor: "Now, Miss Tyler, time to remove the bandages and reveal whether we'll accept you as one of us or whether you get to live out your life as the modern day equivalent of a leper. I'm going to have to ask that you remain calm."

Janet: "All right."

Doctor: "No change! No change at all! She's not bulldog esque. She's barely even spaniel like in appearance!"



Janet: "No! NO!"



Doctor: "Miss Tyler! Miss Tyler! Don't be afraid. This man, Walter Smith, is here to help you. I know he seems ugly to you now but he's going to go with you to a colony of other ug--er, beautifully challenged people."

Walter: "Just keep in mind one thing, Miss Tyler. An old, very old saying. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You'll come to realize that soon."

Sadako: "Sorry, Walter, I didn't quite get the overall point of this episode. Do you think you could be a little less subtle?"

Lessons I Learned From the Twilight Zone, Part II

Part II of what I learned from watching the Twilight Zone.

Night of the Meek



Synopsis: An out of work department store Santa with a drinking problem finds a magical sack that lets him give presents to children. He eventually transforms into the real Santa Claus.

Lessons Learned: Your children are writing letters and setting out cookies for an underemployed alcoholic.

Stopover in a Quiet Town



Synopsis: After drinking and driving, a married couple wakes up in a strange house. In an odd twist, it's revealed that the town they find themselves in is nothing more than a toy for a gigantic alien girl.

Lessons Learned: Rod Serling should have been writing anti-drug afterschool specials. This was a lot better than some of the actual anti drug episodes I've seen. The idea of drinking and then waking up in a scary town is a lot more frightening than the prospect of having Winnie the Pooh, the Ninja Turtles, and the Chipmunks disapprovingly wonder what's to become of me.

I Dream of Genie



Synopsis: A man is given the chance at one wish by a genie. He considers several ideas but decides he's cut out for customer service as he wishes to become a genie so he can spend his whole life helping people.

Lessons Learned: The good people at Disney had this episode in their list of things to rip off when they were writing Aladdin, didn't they? (Right under Kimba the White Lion.) Apparently, the most horrifying thing Michael Eisner could imagine for the villain Jafar was a future of making life easier for others.

The Eye of the Beholder



Synopsis: In the future, ugliness is banned. Deformed outcasts are forced to submit to plastic surgery until they conform. A woman covered in bandages is waiting to see the results of her last plastic surgery operation (the twist being, of course, that she's a conventionally attractive woman by today's standards in a world of strange pig faced people).

Lessons Learned: To paraphrase both the Beastie Boys and Scott Westerfeld (author of the Uglies series), you gotta fight for your right to be ugly.

Number 12 Looks Just Like You



Synopsis: Once again, it's the future, and it has become compulsory to undergo medical surgery to become beautiful. A headstrong young girl tries to turn down the procedure.

Lessons Learned: Much like the flying car, one of the things movie and TV show producers from the past assumed would happen today is compulsive beauty. As I go about every day tasks, I wonder where the beautiful people are that I was promised. (Also, Marty McFly's self drying jacket.)

I Sing the Body Electric



Synopsis: A widower with three children finds a factory that specializes in custom built robots. The robot grandmother they create serves the children until they mature, whereupon she is sent back to the factory to be disassembled until she is needed by another family.

Lessons Learned: Between this and the pro assisted suicide grandma of Long Distance Call, I'm not sure I want to know what Rod Serling's relationship with his grandmother was like. Also, this robot grandmother would have been the perfect person to give Number 5 of Short Circuit a pep talk on why being "DISASSEMBLED?!" wouldn't be so bad.

Nick of Time



Synopsis: A newlywed couple stops in a town to get their car repaired. The man, played by William Shatner, believes that the fortune teller game they find in a diner actually can predict the future and starts to obsessively base his life decisions on the device.

Lessons Learned: So that's what people did back in the day before there were FarmVille crops to be harvested and important Perez Hilton messages to retweet.

The Bewitchin' Pool



Synopsis: A young girl and boy named Sport and Jeb take refugee from their arguing parents by finding a secret world on the other side of their swimming pool. Many unhappy children have fled to this world. Here, the only grown up is an elderly woman named Aunt T, who puts the children to work doing good, wholesome chores. When Sport and Jeb's parents announce they'll be divorcing and that the children will have to choose who to live with, they finally escape to Aunt T's world for good.

Lessons Learned: Divorce is a phenomenon so evil and unnatural that it drives children to voluntarily spend all eternity doing chores for a woman who looks suspiciously like the prototype for Mom's Friendly Robot Oil Company.

Lessons I Learned From the Twilight Zone, Part I

In the spirit of the post on what I learned from reading Goosebumps, I decided to do a post on what I learned from watching everyone's favorite creepy old TV show, the Twilight Zone.

To Serve Man



Synopsis: Aliens come down to earth offering humans all kinds of wonderful gifts. The earthlings are unsure of whether or not to trust them. They decide to translate a book the aliens leave behind called To Serve Man. To their horror, it's a cookbook.

Lessons Learned: Aliens are evil. Don't trust them when they offer the human species gifts. There's probably a horrible twist.

The Gift



Synopsis: An alien comes down to a small town offering a gift. Distrusting him, the townspeople slaughter him, whereupon it's revealed that his gift is a cure for all diseases.

Lessons Learned: ...Except for when they're good. No, you can't win.

Purple Testament



Synopsis: A WWII soldier finds he can predict death by seeing a flash of light on the faces of doomed men.

Lessons Learned: Apparently Angelica Huston died soon after the Addams Family franchise finished up.

Long Distance Call



Synopsis: A little boy's grandmother gives him a toy telephone before she passes away. After she dies, she's able to contact him on the phone and asks him to join him. Soon, the little boy tries to end his own life in order to be with his grandmother. The boy's father pleads with the grandmother (his mother) over the phone to let the boy live his own life.

Lessons Learned: Yes, Sadako, there is a more overbearing fictional mother out there than Mrs. Costanza.

A Nice Place to Visit



Synopsis: A crook named Rocky Valentine dies and wakes up in a world beyond his wildest dreams where he's rich, can gamble nonstop, and has beautiful women who are attracted to him. It turns out that the afterlife is a bit too good to be true, though. Growing bored of a world where there's no possibility of anything bad ever happening, Rocky begs to be taken to the other place (i.e., Hell), only to be told that he's already there.

Lessons Learned: Be good, boys and girls, or you'll have to gamble nonstop with beautiful women. Compared to Dante's Inferno, it's pretty tame. Then again, Rod Serling's depiction of Hell is a lot closer to the obligatory visit to Atlantic City that the Real Housewives of NJ go on every season. Rod Serling may know more about Hell than Dante and Virgil ever did.

The Howling Man



Synopsis: A group of monks finds the devil and put him in a room locked with a staff, but a visitor is soon talked into letting him out.

Lessons Learned: The devil can hold his own in fiddle contests, induce pea soup vomiting, and still find time to head up the law firm of Milton, Chadwick & Waters. Yet in the face of a simple staff, he's as helpless as an infant in a playpen. (Actually, more helpless if said infant is starring in an animated TV show on the Nickelodeon network.)


It's a Good Life



Synopsis: Welcome to a world where a six year old boy named Anthony has the power to read minds and to create anything. At the end, little Anthony transforms a man trying to stop him into a jack in the box.

Lessons Learned: Back in the day, the worst thing that living in a 6 year old's paradise entailed watching dinosaurs fight on TV instead of Ozzie and Harriet and getting turned into a jack in the box. Irritating, yes, but we live in a day and age when your average kid gets exposed to creepier things than a jack in the box. Furbies. Bratz dolls. Tickle me Elmo. Billy Mumy's world was creepy to be sure, but I don't want to imagine what would happen if this episode got remade.

Pop Culture Musings: Reality TV Stars

We live in interesting times. And by interesting times, I mean hella surreal ones. Living in the golden age of reality TV is both awesome and frightening. But I've decided to embrace it. Sure, instead of James Dean and Marilyn, we've got Kim Kardashian and Speidi. But these people are becoming the cornerstones of pop culture. So, let's explore. What does it mean to live in a world where we no longer have just plain stars, but reality TV stars?

Bethenny Frankel

Unlike most reality stars, Bethenny's relatively sleaze free. She seems to just work really, really hard. The woman is driven. She started off on The Apprentice before worming her way onto Real Housewives of New York (even with an initial lack of a husband, nobility, or J.P. Morgan funded alimony). Despite her handicap, she managed to come up the best news for calorie conscious alcoholics since the term drunkarexia was coined--of course, I'm talking about the Skinnygirl Margarita. Bethenny's even gotten herself a spin off show on Bravo.



Bethenny's the kind of girl who's constantly thinking about how to be on top work-wise. I suspect that even when she's having sex she's wearing a Skinnygirl tank top, just in case the Bravo cameras show up for a post coital session. So who's Bethenny? She's the Tracy Flick of the reality world. Constantly thinking about work and about accumulating one more accolade. (Is that why part of me couldn't help hoping that this season Jill Zarin would embody Matthew Broderick in Election and knock her down a peg--if only by hurling a metaphorical diet Pepsi at her Skinnygirl car?)



Donald Trump



OK, granted, Donald Trump isn't just a reality star. He's (sort of) a real businessman. Of course, to me he'll always be the asshole Apprentice boss or a creepy Miss America judge (or a random guy in the lobby in Home Alone 2). So where does Donald fit in?



He's William Zabka. You know, Johnny of the Cobra Kai in Karate Kid, or the rich bully in Back to School. He's that obnoxious asshole who exists solely to let us channel our inner Karl Marx. Yes, his whole function is to walk on camera and let the audience think, "I may not be rich...but at least I'm not the Donald."

So let's cut Donald some slack. Those remarks he made at Rosie O'Donnell over her weight? Ogling fake D-cups on the Miss America contestants old enough to be his next girlfriend? All contractually obligated, friends. By karma.

Tyra Banks

Tyra is the girl who in her youth was hotness personified, but who's now getting a little older--and a lot more insecure. Her ass may be spreading and maybe gravity's given her a few more of what Bridget Jones gently termed wobbly bits.



But Tyra won't go gentle into that good night of Spanx and soft lighting. It was the pictures that got too high def, dammit, not her hips that got too huge for the frame. She'll attack each and every paparazzi member for daring to suggest that her cellulite makes her any less of a woman. She's still the same sexy woman she once was--right? Right, guys? Remember? When she walked for Yves Saint Laurent and the entire crowd enjoyed multiple orgasms?



For that, Tyra Banks is the Norma Desmond of the reality show world. Except instead of a scary recluse in a eerily lit mansion in Beverly Hills, she'll be a scary recluse in a fluorescent lit talk show relegated to one of the Lifetime/Oxygen wannabe channels, ranting and raving about weaves, cellulite, and constantly showing clips of her old runway shows to suburban moms jonesing for Oprah.

Ozzy and Sharon

Remember when the Osbournes first got a reality show and MTV realized they had a new operating model cheaper even than finding the next Jesse Camp? The Osbournes didn't exactly embody class, no. And yes, they spawned Kelly Osbourne's "singing" career (the nepotism--it burns).



But the Osbournes never put their kids in danger for the sake of sweeps week (I'm looking at you, Balloon Boy Famille and the Sunderlands). Plus, Papa Don't Preach was almost acceptable when you think about how Luann De Lesseps raped autotune and left it for dead with Money Can't Buy You Class. And you know, Jack Osbourne may have gotten a few walk on cameos but he never starred in any sex tapes. (Thank god, because you know they would have involved hobbits.)



For that, Ozzy and Sharon are the Ozzie and Harriet Nelson of the reality show world. And yes, a world in which a rock star I affectionately dubbed Guano Muncher represents the ultimate cheesy TV dad is an incredibly surreal one.

Heidi Montag

I almost feel sorry for Heidi Montag.



She's tried and failed at so many things. Fashion school. Reality TV feuds. Aspiring to Tori Spelling's level of stardom. What will she ultimately be known as? Through plastic surgery, becoming the 21st century's answer to the Bionic Woman.



For this, I've gotta compare her to Lupe Velez. Lupe was a Mexican actress who (according to Roz on Frasier) wanted to be well known in death. She planned a dramatic suicide, got dolled up in a sexy negligee, and took an OD of pills...and then got nauseous and drowned in the toilet. (OK, snopes says this is a UL, but it'll serve the point all the same.) Why is Heidi the Lupe Velez of the reality show world? Because her best laid plans of getting famous by actually working hard and doing things fell through. But she'll be famous for being a living trainwreck.

Real Housewives of New Jersey in a Minute

Caroline: "Don't mess with my family. We'll hunt you down and slaughter you, Moe Green style."

Teresa: "People make fun of Jersey girls but I think they're just jealous of our gaudy faux French chateaux and our polyester hair extensions."

Danielle: "You're either gonna love me or hate me. Or both if you had the misfortune to come out of my uterus."



Caroline: "Dis is my son, Albie. He's the only one smart enough to reliably make it out of Jersey to Fordham without the GPS, so he's going to law school to become our family's Tom Hagen one day. Over dere is Christaphuh, who wants to purchase the Bada Bing and make it into a car wash cum strip joint. And dis is Lauren who's not good for much beyond waxing pubes, but we are hurting for a money laundering front."



Jacqueline: "Hi! Meet my daughter, Ashley. She's not doing so well at school but she did get a gold star last week for punctuality..."

Ashley: "Fuck you, Mom."

Jacqueline: "Sorry, honey. Do you want a black or white SUV?"

Ashley: "Get two. I'm not sharing with CJ."



Teresa: "This is my husband, Joe. Isn't he gawgis? Joe, I need forty thousand dollars for some more aw-nyx furnishings."

Joe: "Ya wan 'em in Benjamins or Washingtons?"



Producer Andy Cohen: "Washingtons. It'll look better when you guys count it out for the bemused delivery guy."

Teresa: "Joe, I need *this* much now. Joe, come on, they're for C-cup bubbies."

Joe: "Titties?"

Andy Cohen: "Joe, can we reshoot this with a quotable sound bite? Something like, Happy wife, happy life?"

Joe: "Titties!"

Andy Cohen: "We'll work on it."



Dina: "It's so hard being a working mom these days. I have to deal with raising my one almost teenaged daughter and my career buying gold plated snow globes for celebrities. And I have to find time to wash my ugly cat. I really need an assistant."

Danielle: "Tell me about it. Let's have a botox-collagen party at my place."

Plastic Surgeon: "So, I simply place the syringe--"

Danielle: "Plastic surgeon? That's like a doctor, right? You wanna have phone sex tonight and then meet my kids? They need a good father figure--the last one was only a few years older than my eldest."

Teresa: "My daughter Gia has what it takes. She's going to be the next Jonbenet Ramsey, only classier. Jazz hands, Gia, jazz hands!"



Wilhelmina Modeling: "You want your moderately attractive ape to be a model? Um...well..."

Andy Cohen: "Throw her a bone and you won't have to take another Top Model girl on ever."

Wilhelmina: "Yes, Gia is a...um...really, really adorable little...creature. Er, how about this blender ad? Put her behind an oversized carrot."

Dina: "So there's this book. It says that Danielle was arrested for drug dealing and kidnapping and extortion and torturing someone."

Caroline: "This is not okay. We're a Godfather family, not a Scarface one. We get the mulignan to do that shady blow business for us."



Teresa: "How dare that bitch Danielle call my husband a homophobe? Joe's incredibly tolerant of the gays. He even said he thought that Vito on The Sopranos shouldn't have been tortured and killed for being gay--just sawdamized with a .45 a little."

Caroline: "My husband Albert worries about the family when he's not home. What if Uncle June gets confused and wanders in with an AK-47? Or what if, God forbid, the same deranged non-mobbed up guy who killed my father in law and stuffed him naked into a Buick, comes back? You never know. And who better to give us an attack dog than all around nice guy Bernie Kerik?"

Bernie Kerik: "Hi, I'm Bernie Kerik. The only NYPD commissioner who was also a convicted felon, so I've got that going for me."

Andy Cohen: "Caroline, you're actually friends with him? No jokes? This wasn't the work of an ambitious assistant producer? Oh guys, I think I just came in my pants a little."

Teresa: "Guys, we're throwing a party for me and the new bubbies. Joe's been such an animal in the sack since I got the bubbies. And now that I have the bubbies, there's actually foreplay."

Joe: "Can we do it now?"

Teresa: "Danielle may be a slutty hobag whose vagina is as big as the Lincoln Tunnel but I'm being the better person by inviting her to my party. So, there we were, eating oysters and makin' witty comments."

Caroline: "Have an oyster."

Teresa: "I love to swallow."

All: "Oh, that's our Teresa."

Andy Cohen: "Psst, Danielle. We got you a copy of the book. Lay it on the table in a minute."



Danielle: "Teresa, pay attention, puh-lease. Only TWO things are true in this book. The name change and the fact that I was arrested for cigarette burning a kid's eyeballs. You make it sound like I'm evil. Oh, and the nineteen engagements."



Teresa: "ENGAGED NINETEEN TIMES?! PROSTITUTION WHORE! LOUD NOISES!"

Joe: "Mmm."

Dina: "It's sweet. She's just a hot little eye-talian mama."

Andy Cohen: "Let's get a close up of Danielle's traumatized kids. Close up of the big sad doe eyes. Great. See you guys at the reunion."

Dawson's Creek in a Minute

Dawson: "Say goodnight, Joey."



Joey: "Um, maybe I should sleep in my own bed. I mean, we're going to be high school sophomores tomorrow."

Dawson: "Oh, see, you're making it about sex, and it's not. Why do you have to go and make it sexual? My idol Spielberg spent every night of his life in bed with E.T., and he turned out fine."

Sadako: "The crystal skull movie aside."

Pacey: "Ms. Jacobs? Would you go to bed with me?"



Tamara Jacobs: "Let's study first, Pacey. We'll make sex into a game. Percentages. Let's say there are three hundred girls at Capeside High. How many of those girls' bosoms have you fondled, hmm, Pacey?"

Pacey: "Um, two."

Tamara Jacobs: "Ah, two hundred-

Pacey: "No, just two."

Tamara Jacobs: "Two? What do you mean, two? I can't do a percentage of two!"

Pacey: "I guess I'm more of an ass man."



Jen: "Hi guys."

Dawson: "ATA! ATA!"

Joey: "Slut."

Jen: "What?"

Joey: "Whore."

Jen: "Okay, I admit, I was sexualized way too young, sort of like Serena van der Woodsen before it was cool, but you know, I'm a human being and I'd like to get my life back on track--

Dawson: "Whore."



Joey: "I love you, Dawson."

Dawson: "Me too."

Kevin Williamson: "Oh, crap. The audience likes it. They like it! But I've already got the main characters together. I knew I should have dragged it out. Never diverge from Cheers again!"

Joey: "I love you but the world is so incessantly complicated and every fiber of my being says to converge upon one path and yet my heart pulls me astray. Let's see other people till sweeps week."



Andie: "Pacey I don't know what's happening and sometimes I find myself talking in a rush of words, and my mother thinks my brother is still alive."

Pacey: "Andie, I can't see you anymore. You're insane, you cheated on me, but most importantly, you're the oldest member of the cast. Kevin, can we get marry her off to a Hispanic law student?"

Kevin Williamson: "To an insane asylum in Italy with you, Andie. And Mrs. McPhee, to the attic with you, never to be spoken of again."



Jack: "Hey everyone? I'm gay. But I only express my sexuality through vaguely worded poetry. I don't actually kiss, hug, or look at men."

Dawson: "Hey, Pacey? I'm gonna go over there and hit on Eve. Can you watch Joey for me? Think of her like a parking space. Just stand over her and make sure no one makes a move on her till I'm ready."



Pacey: "How you doin'?"

Joey: "Pacey, you got a lot to offer a girl."

Sadako: "And you guys pull off that conjoined twins attached at the forehead look way better."



Dawson: "No! Mine!"

Pacey: "So...should we go to bed?"

Joey: "I can't. What if Dawson goes insane and enters his Roman Polanski phase? I'm kind of his Sharon Tate, and if I leave him, who knows what he'll do?"

Dawson: "No, I'm cool. Kevin came up with a serendipitous meeting between Goodwife Witter and me that has tempestuously rocked my testosterone fused core."

Pacey: "So. Joey..."

Joey: "Wait. Why doesn't he care? People are supposed to fall hopelessly in love with me even while I'm rude and surly."

Pacey: "Dammit, Joey. I can't date you anymore. And you know why? It's not because we're drifting apart or I want us to see other people--it's because you're the shining encapsulation of everything that I know to be representative of inherent perfection."

Joey: "I know! Time to go to college. I wrote a story about Dawson and me in five minutes, I hope Worthington likes it!"

Professor: "Wow. You're hot. And talented. I'm going to offer you a research position that most graduate students would literally kill over. Want to go to bed?"

Joey: "No. That's Jen's job. I just inspire feelings of lust while putting men on the right path, whether it's Hollywood or a rickety boat."



Jen: "Why do you have such issues with me? I'm a woman. I've had premarital sex, yes. I'm not the embodiment of harlotry. I'm just a normal girl trying to navigate my emotions and sexual urges in a world floundering in its appreciation for female equality."

Joey: "Ew."

Kevin Williamson: "No, she's right. We should treat Jen a little differently."

Jen: "Final draft for the last ever Dawson's Creek which takes place in the future. Turns out I'm a single mother who's dying of cancer of my girly parts? Subtle, Kevin."



Samantha Jones: "Oh, honey, I've been there."

Kevin Williamson: "No, Jen, it's a heart stripe across your heart and at any moment, it could tighten and die. As a sexually liberated woman, you're literally heartless."



Deputy Dougie: "Turns out I really was gay, and in a daring twist, I get to end up with the only other gay character on the show."

Sadako: "Be grateful you weren't a black wheelchair bound dwarf or you'd really be hurtin' for some loving."

Joey: "Well, now that Jen's finally in her Y shaped coffin and Andie's still insane, I get top picks again. And I'm going with...hmm...the neurotic Hollywood bound director? No, I'll have enough of that to worry about in the future. Pacey!"