I have a pretty eclectic wardrobe, so I decided to let our fave girls loose in my closet and see what outfits they could come up with. After Kristy finally came out, I posted their reactions. (Thanks to bethg24 and other Twitterers for the blogsporation!)
"I'm happy in jeans and sneakers, but Claudia decided she needed to spend hours distressing a pair of jeans for me and then told me under penalty of death that I can't get another hole in it without disturbing the feng shui of the pants. I also took Stacey's advice on the sneakers--Nikes are out, Pumas are in, I guess. But I drew the line at the scrunchie Claudia made for me."
"I know what you're thinking. It's kind of short. Isn't my dad, Richard Spier, incredibly over-protective? True, growing up, he was the overbearing King Triton to my meek Ariel. (Except thankfully with fewer visible nipples.) He's lightened up, of course--marrying a woman who makes Terry Schiavo look organized will do that to you. But even when I was twelve, dad had some weird ideas about what normal was. Wearing baggy jeans and a t-shirt was out. But the shortest tiniest postage stamp skirt was fine as long as it was plaid. Why'd Britney have to go and ruin that for all us girls?"
"It's blue. Not sky blue or robin's egg blue, but deep, deep sea blue, the kind that Travis always says I should wear because it's the color of my eyes. Not that I care what Travis thinks...Oh, it's also low cut and sometimes guys check me out, even when I'm with Maggie. Not that I compete with other girls. As the founder of the Future Simone de Beauvoirs of America, I'm above that."
"The Chanel earrings are my nod to sleek, classical old style New York...years before Blair Waldorf was even a blink in Cecily von Ziesgar's Carrie-Bradshaw-wannabe-eye (Dad bought them when I threw a tantrum about mom not earning enough to buy me a diamond ring). The Kenneth Cole Reaction Collection leather jacket is my way of saying, I'm fashionable but I don't have to try. (Dad's secretary sent it to me when I was in the hospital when Claud gave me a sugary Milky Way circa the Jeremy incident.) And the black tank top? Doesn't it look awesome--thanks to the strapless push up bra Dad let me buy at Agent Provocateur after Robert dumped me and I needed some retail therapy."
"My sister Janine was invited to go on an African safari last summer where she analyzed the chemical content of about eight different kind of elephant dung. I was so angry at her for not bringing me back any dung (I'm working on my Chris Ofili inspired portrait of Mallory Pike!) and for not greeting the Mimi shrine made from Mallomars in my room the minute she got home. So I snuck into her room and stole the safari jacket that her teacher gave her as a goodbye gift. I bedazzled the jacket and wore it with zebra print leggings, my fedora from Carmen San Diego-rama, a leopard print necklace, my stiletto Converses, and these earrings I made from Jamie Newton's broken Lego guys."
"I also love this Mao skirt that Stacey bought for me at Vivienne Tam's store downtown--New York is SO bohemian. I accessorized it with these cool communist flats, People's Pins as earrings, and a plain Nehru jacket--to evoke that poor, starving peasant feel. I tried to impress my mom and dad with my wardrobe one morning, telling them I was getting in touch with my Asian heritage. My dad just held his head in his hands and my mom said, 'Claudia, your ancestors were Japanese. Not culturally illiterate.'"
"I love this cute longish top--it's so me! Claudia helped me pick out these new glasses. I thought they were too big, but she says they're in and that they do for my nose what surgery eventually did for Jennifer Grey. I also love the "I love my kids" button that Ben got me when he was down under--I really am his bonza sheila! Mom and Dad think that I'm not mature enough to wear leggings, though, so I had to wear the shirt with Byron's old pair of sweatpants. And underneath, of course, the underwear I was wearing the day I met Amelia Moody, my favorite author."
"I love my evil eye collection. It's part of my whole getting in touch with being ethnic thing. Wait, these evil eyes are from Turkey? Well, it's a lot closer to Africa than that pastel dashiki Becca bought me for Kwanzaa last year at Claire's."
"My juicy sweatpants with pockets big enough to hold my copy of How To Talk Dirty and Influence People and my Uggs. What more does a girl from the Island need?"
"I love wearing nerdy t-shirts and Questionable Content merchandise. Not just because they're funny and even more low maintenance than my previous Oxford shirt with knit skirt look. But because they piss off my sister, the wannabe walking American Apparel billboard."
*Note to the reader. I assure you, my taste isn't all that horrid. I don't actually own: the horrible scrunchy (which, yes, I did find by googling "horrible scrunchy"), gigundoly huge hipster glasses, Juicy sweatpants, a bra from Agent Provocateur, or Converse stilettos. I don't own, but wish I did, the Lego earrings and the Commie shoes.
I do own: the safari jacket, the evil eye stuff, the blue dress (Monica *finally* returned it), the Mao skirt, some (faux) Chanel earrings, the red plaid skirt, and the leather jacket.