Monday, October 18, 2010

BSC #4: Mary Anne Saves the Day

I know I haven't done any BSC related posts in a very long time, but I felt the urge. Enjoy my retelling of Mary Anne Saves the Day.

Mary Anne: It's been hard for me growing up with only my dad. My mom died when I was a baby and my dad is so protective of me because he has to be both parents to me. I still live in a really babyish room with pictures of Humpty Dumpty. And I'm not even allowed to wear my hair the way I want--I have to wear braids because Dad subscribes to Warren Jeffs' theory that carefully monitored hair is the linchpin of female oppression.

Kristy: "Mary Anne, time for our meeting!"

Mary Anne: But being part of the BSC has been great. We get to go on sitting jobs and the other three members of the club are my best friends.

Kristy: "What's that, Mrs. Newton? Would I like to babysit for Jamie and baby Lucy? More than a Judy Blume characters longs for menarche? I'll be there!"

Claudia: "Job hog! Kristy, I would have liked to sit for Lucy, too!"

Mary Anne: "Me too..."

Stacey: "I'm actually reduced to arguing about babysitting jobs? Couldn't we be fighting over bra sizes or clothes or guys?"

Paula Danziger: "If I were overseeing your lives, yes."

Mary Anne: *sob*

Kristy: "Baby."

Mary Anne: "That's it! You're all horrible people, and I hope I never see you again!"

Mr. Spier: "So, Mary Anne, how was your day?"

Mary Anne: "Well, Dad, we--"

Mr. Spier: "Mary Anne, that's the red tartan kilt you're wearing, not the green tartan one that I picked out for you, isn't it?! Oh, God. I'll never be as good a parent as you were, Alma!"

Mary Anne: "Uh oh. Lunch time with all my friends mad at me."

Kristy: "Don't even think about sitting with the Shillaber twins. I laid claims to them a long time ago."

Dawn: "Hi! I'm a conveniently new character! I'm blonde, but don't worry about confusing me with Stacey because I'm a California blonde, not a Bergdof blonde."

Mary Anne: "Want to come over to my house later?"

Kristy: "Mary Anne, are you tripping? You never invite people over except me. And you barely make contact with the outside world unless it's to use a flashlight to talk to me. Shouldn't you be at home crying about us?"

Dawn: "I wonder if our parents knew each other, Mary Anne. They're about the same age, and it's always easier on the reader when secondary characters know each other."

Mary Anne: "To the yearbooks! Oh! Check out these quotes and signatures about true love! They did know each other!"

Dawn: "Wow."

Mary Anne: "So, guys, what are we going to do about the club?"

Claudia: "We'll all take turns sitting in an empty room taking calls. It's the only sane solution."

Mary Anne: "Hello? Mrs. Newton?"

Mrs. Newton: "Mary Anne, I was wondering if all of the members of the BSC could help out at Jamie's fourth birthday party. I invited 16 little kids as guests."

Sadako: "Spoken like someone who hasn't read Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing even once."

Mary Anne: "Dad? Do you think I could stay out later when I'm babysitting? All my friends do."

Mr. Spier: "You aren't your friends. I'm sorry, Mary Anne, I don't think you're ready."

Mary Anne: "Look at me, Dad! I'm 12 and I'm wearing braids and living in a nursery! I mean, Humpty Dumpty? If I'm limited to stuff from children's literature, at least let me have something with a bit of hipster cachet like Maurice Sendak wallpaper."

Peter Lerangis: "If you can hold out a few more books, I promise, things will get so much easier. Plus, there will be leggings."

Mr. Spier: "Mary Anne, the subject is closed."

Mary Anne: "Mimi? Am I a normal 12 year old?"

Mimi: "You show an interest in needlepoint more suited to middle aged women with collections of thimbles shaped like cats, but you seem very mature and serious, too."

Mary Anne: "I wish my father could see that."

Mimi: "If you do not like how things are you, you must change them. I know you will find a way, my Mary Anne."

Claudia: "MY Mary Anne?! I thought I was your Claudia! You never even say my Janine! That personal pronoun was the one thing keeping my ego intact!"

Mrs. Prezzioso: "Thanks for babysitting for little Jenny, Mary Anne. Mr. P and I will be at a basketball game. Here's the number we'll be at."

Jenny: "..."

Mary Anne: "Hello? Dawn? I've got an emergency with the kid I'm sitting for. I can't reach her parents or my dad. What should I do?"

Dawn: "You could try 911."

Mary Anne: "It's a long shot, but okay."

William Shatner: "Would both of you like to be the poster children for a new show I've got in the works?"

Mr. Prezzioso: "You girls did the right thing. Here you go."

Dawn: "Wow, fifty bucks."

Mary Anne: "Yeah."

Dawn: "Uh, Mary Anne, why is that girl in the house over there sticking her tongue out at me? And why are you sticking your tongue out at her? Wait, you were using me this whole time, weren't you!"

Mary Anne: "No...wait...Sigh."

Mr. Spier: "Mary Anne? That was Mr. Prezzioso on the phone. Did something happen today?"

Mary Anne: "Oh, I'm sorry I forgot to tell you. There was an emergency and I had to get Jenny to the hospital."

Dad: "Mary Anne, you're growing up before my eyes."

Mary Anne: "Do you think I might be allowed to stay out later? And replace Humpty Dumpty with an old Richard Gere pinup, which I plan to dub Benjamin Moore?"

Dad: "Okay."

Mary Anne: "Oh, Dad!"

Dawn: "Hey, Mary Anne!"

Mary Anne: "I'm sorry we fought. Maybe I was using you when I first met you. But when I got to know you, I really liked you and thought you were cool. I hope we can still be friends."

Laney Boggs: "I'm convinced."

Mary Anne: "Gotta run. Time for Jamie Newton's party!"

Stacey: "You smushed cake in my face!"

Claudia: "Oops."

Mrs. Newton: "Girls? Do I need to break out the Costco sized bottle of Midol?"

Mary Anne: "I'm calling an emergency meeting of the Babysitters Club. Now let's all apologize without actually addressing any of our deep seated insecurities."

All: "I'M SORRY!"

Mary Anne: "I have a new member to introduce. Her name is Dawn. Everyone come to my house next weekend for a sleepover party!"


Mr. Spier: "I'll get it. Sharon...?"

Mrs. Schafer: "Richie?"

Dawn: "Aw. Old people can be so sweet!"

Mary Anne: "Welcome to the BSC, Dawn."

Dawn: "Thanks!"

Mary Anne: "Pizza toast!"

Stacey: "To Dawn!"

Kristy: "To the club!"

Dawn: "To us!"

Sadako: "To the shattered hopes and dreams I had as a BSC-reading elementary school student about the honor and sanctity of middle school friendships!"