Monday, March 15, 2010

Claudia Kishi Shows at Fashion Week

Like most girls who grew up on a steady diet of the BSC, to this day, Claudia Kishi is my style guru. Sure, there's a part of me that knows that a jacket with a nipped in waist is a go to item and that a little well placed blush on the apples of your cheeks is a flattering way to apply makeup. But deep down, there's a part of me that wants to scandalize Tim Gunn. I want to wear poodle earrings with a fifties style skirt! I want to rock a Miss Frizzle outfit!

With that in mind, here's what happens when Claudia gets to be on Project Runway and decides that the theme of the line she's showing at Bryant Park will be "Stoneybrook Denizens: Through My Eyes." Every look is inspired by a particular Stoneybrookite (or is it Stoneybrooker).


Claudia. "For this look, I wanted to update Kristy. I wanted to show her that jeans don't have to be boring. They can be fashion! Oh, uh, pay no attention to the shrill dwarf shrieking Hot plagiarizing tranny mess behind the curtain. This is NOT a rip off. It's a Claudia Kishi original. I conceived of the idea over tea with my dead grandma Mimi."

Michael: "I'm not mad about this knock off, but she mentioned the dead grandma. We pretty much have to give it to her no matter how bad the rest of the line is, right?"

Nina: "Unless her competitors grew up in an Asian POW camp or grew up in the Deep South as a black gay man, yes. It's hers."

Mary Anne

Claudia: "This is pre liberated Mary Anne, as seen through the eyes of my lovely assistant Stacey McGill. This is how Mary Anne's dad saw her, before she asserted herself and got her groove back. I wanted to show the repression with the covered hair, but also the hint of sexuality with the bare legs and the gold chain. Stacey basically conceived of this look because she lives in New York full time, and she says black is the new black. Again."

Heidi: "Nice try. Calvin pulled the same habit crap on me when the stylist burned off eight inches of my hair, too."

Claudia: "Did Calvin stick a partially chewed Milky Way in his model's one thousand dollar weave, too? Because I did that like five times last night."


Claudia: "Stacey loves couture. So I hit up Chinatown for every Chanel accessory they had, rented Coco Before Chanel, and started welding. I wanted Stacey to walk in the show wearing the look she inspired, but she refused to shave off her perm."

Nina: "Costumey."

Heidi: "You can hardly see her front bottom. I would not wear this."

Michael: "You had a concept. I liked where you were going. I liked the journey--I'm just not sure you got there."


Claudia: "When I think of Dawn, I think of two words: California Casual. But I don't really know what that means. I don't even think Peter Lerangis knows. So I thought harder and realized that when I think of Dawn, I think of hippies. And what's a hippie? A homeless person with fashion! I knew Dawn would appreciate it if I went green. So the shorts are an olive-brown shade. Finally, my model is frowning, because like Dawn she's angry that baby animals are being hurt in the name of food."

Nina: "I could see a real woman with hips and breasts wearing this because the tunic is large enough for what normally should be covered in a mumu or better left in Wisconsin."

Heidi: "And so practical. I think every woman would wear knee length sandals."


Claudia: "This is inspired by that one week in middle school, when Stacey and I got Mallory to wear an oversized coat that was a hand me down from Janine. We told her big glasses would play down her huge nose, that a sixties updo would be great for her curly hair, and that huge sleeves would do wonders for her fat wrists."

Michael: "This is hideous. However, I love the styling. I have a feeling that ugly chic will be the new boho."

Nina: "I have to say. It's reminiscent of Korto's car parts look in season five. I don't want to see a knock off here, Claudia."

Claudia: *tear* "I'm sorry. I just...I'm a girl from nowhere, Connecticut. That's like a thousand train rides from New York, and I'm barely literate and I was raised on a diet of stolen gummy worms, and my parents liked my older sister better because she was better at being a smart stereotypical Asian, and this means everything to me!"

Nina: "I liked the dead gramma tears better."


Claudia: "For Jessi, I wanted a couple of looks that really let me go outside the box, and play with fashion. Since she's black, I wanted to honor ethnicity!"

Nina: "You...really have no idea how offensive this is? And you probably won't even if I sat you down and gave you a tutorial encompassing models of color from Iman to Grace Jones. So I'm just going to pat you on your pointy, side ponytailed little head and give you an A for effort."

Heidi: "I like that it's see through. I can wear that when I'm trying to convince Seal that we need to outbreed Brad and Angelina."


Claudia. "It's athletic. It's fierce. It has a sense of humor. Um...these are Abby's idol Elvis's favorite colors."

Nina: "Cheap. Tacky. Tight. Short."

Heidi: "I was actually going to say it looks a little matronly."

Michael Kors: "Harujuku girl at soccer camp."

Claudia: "Well, I ran out of material, and I ended up just making cutoffs of one of my old jeans when Tim came in at the eleventh hour with his One more look! line. Cut me some slack. It's Abby. I came this close to doing a Shannon look!"


Claudia: "You didn't think I'd forget me, did you? This was kind of a self portrait. I used spun candy to do the model's wig, turquoise eyeliner to do the eyebrows, and pink on the lips because my face is a butterfly rainbow creature. And I crammed in as many shades of blue and green as I could on the dress."

Heidi: "You know, I would wear this, I would. It's very tasteful. Very real."

Nina: "Heidi, you do remember that your idea of a real wedding was a white trash themed ceremony, yes?"

Mrs. Towne

Claudia: "Mrs. Towne was the woman who wanted to save money by making Mary Anne do all her work for her when she hurt her ankle. She also loved to quilt. Not many people know that after we sitters left Stoneybrook, Mrs. Towne went insane and macramed nearly everything that wasn't nailed down. I thought it was all very Miss Havisham. This is my ode to Mrs. Towne."

Michael: "I'm going to give this the kiss of death. Wearable. Where's the edginess? This is something you could see any small town American wearing."

Nina: "Absolutely. I've seen this outfit on PTA moms, on PETA protesters, on kindergarten teachers, politicians' wives, hookers. Very, very typical."

Is Claud in or out? You guys be the judges!