Saturday, March 27, 2010

BSC #51: Stacey's Ex-Best Friend

Tag line: "Is Stacey super mature or just a super snob?" Can't she be both, like the late Earl Warren?

In this latest adventure, we get re introduced to Laine. As you guys may recall, Laine's Stacey's New York best friend--with an edge. When Stacey first found out she had the diabetus, Laine was the cutthroat Diana Ross to Stacey's long suffering Flo Ballard. They've made up since, but based on the title of this book, I'm assuming there's trouble in paradise.

Since Laine has time off from school, she tells Stacey she's having trouble deciding between getting felt up by the Limelight bouncer or huffing glue with her boyfriend King on the A train. So Stacey invites Laine to spend the week in Stoneybrook, even though the BSC is still in school. At first, Laine's all, "Darling, I love you but give me the Dakota," but Stacey convinces her to rough it for a while. Laine spends most of the week mocking the Babysitters Club and Stoneybrook. At the Valentine's Day dance at the middle school, she's rude to her date, Pete "Man Whore" Black, and finally she and Stacey have it out. Stacey eventually breaks it off with Laine.

B-plot: the BSC throws a V-Day party for the little kids.

'Round Springfield

Stacey shows Laine around town on their way in -- they've got a train station, a library, a movie theatre, a pizza place. And life is eventful in Stoneybrook. They plan parties for the younger contingency all the time. The gals watch the home shopping network to buy nail polish and ceramic clowns. And one time, Stacey even sore a blimp!

Candace Bushnell in training ain't having it. So Stacey tries to interest Laine in such small town pleasures as leaving a white towel out on the porch to signify to your next door friend that you want to walk to school with them, watching floating plastic bags dance on the horizon, and gambling on which of the Lisbon sisters will off herself next, Cecilia or Lux?

Sleepover party--break out the Mall Madness!

The BSC along with Laine have a slumber party. Laine thinks all their sleepover ideas (makeovers, gossip, stuffing themselves) are hella lame. But soon, the gang settles in to watch "To Kill a Mockingbird"--something they can all agree on. Despite being relatively erudite, my own favorite slumber party material is stuff like The Lost Boys or Grease, so I was kind of curious as to why a bunch of teenage girls would be so fascinated by this Turner Classic.

Stacey: "Gregory Peck is SO cute."

Claudia: "Personally I love the themes of maturation and integrity."

Dawn: "Yeah, but did Scout have to dress up as a ham at the end? Glorifying the use of meat is never cool. Couldn't they have used a tofurky?"

Jessi: "You know, you don't win friends with salad. Sorry, Dawn, this movie always gets me into my kill whitey mode."

The BSC plans the under eleven V-day party. (And no, they didn't take my advice of inviting Eve Ensler as special guest speaker.)

Jessi: "Nicky Pike has a crush on a girl in second grade. And Carolyn Arnold says she has a crush on an older boy."

Mallory: "Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match..."

Laine: "Um, they're eight. Is Stoneybrook technically part of Yemen?"

Workin' for the maaan.

Later, Laine scoffs at babysitting and informs the crew that she's going to be working in a real store, earning a real paycheck.

Laine: "I'm working in a boutique."

Kristy: "Your boss has my sympathies." (Zing!)

Sadako: "At thirteen? Seriously? If I hadn't sworn off making American Apparel jokes for Lent, I'd be saying, what is this place, Dov's House of Polyester--oh. Wait."

Girl talk!

Laine: "I'm on a diet. I need to drop five."

Stacey: "Why?"

Laine: "I'm so fat! And my nail beds suck. You should go on a diet, too."

Stacey: "Uh..."

Sadako: "Girls, didn't you get the memo? It's only OK to be thin if you're doing it for ballet or because you love the environment or have the diabetus. The only girls who diet in Ann M. world are girls who go to the mall for fun, chew gum, and babysit for the money instead of the sheer love of kids. Or anorexic side characters who get wished into the cornfield after the first time they pass out."

Party at SMS!

Laine: "Ugh. These refreshments are SO gross. And the portions are so small."

Stacey: "Be nice! Why don't you dance with Pete Black?"

Pete Black: "Yer purty."

Laine: "Yes."

Pete Black: "So, um, the doctor said I wouldn't get so many nosebleeds if I just kept my finger out of my nose."

Laine: "You're standing on my neck. Um, it's time for a binge. I mean purge."

Hot Guy: "You're decent looking. Is that your real nose? OK, I'll dance with you."

Laine: "The neg! My mating call! Hold my Coach bag, bitches! I'm in."

Pete Black: "But I cho-cho-chose you!"

Stacey: [to her date] "Austin?"

Austin: "Leave him be. It'll take time to get over this hurt."

Breaking up is pretty easy to do. (Well, back then you didn't have to wonder about Facebook unfriending etiquette and Twitter unfollowing.)

Stacey screams at Laine for being rude to a boy she's known for less than a week. Then Laine goes back to New York that night. Later, Stacey writes Laine a bitchy letter and sends it to her, along with half of the Claire's bought yin/yang necklace that symbolized both their friendship and the essence of relationships in the 90s.

I quote from Stace's letter: "First of all, I'm sorry about our fight. I'm not apologizing. I don't think the fight was my fault. But I'm sorry we had the fight."

This bodes well for Stacey's future relationships.

Stacey: "I'm sorry for hurling my ceramic clown at your head but I'm not apologizing."

Guy: "Wait, what?"

Stacey: "I'm sorry that it happened, but I'm not sorry. Can't you understand the difference?"

Guy: "No. Is it enough to state that I won't bring home any more toilet paper with pictures of bears on the packaging?"

In conclusion, I decided to present both sides. Laine and Stacey both come off pretty badly. Each sees the other as a caricature of suburban or urban life.

Laine's vision of Stacey.

Stacey: "I bought us matching mumus on the Home Shopping Network. Claud's going to bedazzle them tonight. Told you I was still a city gal at heart! Want to see my collection of stuffed animal cardigans?"

Stacey's vision of Laine

Laine: "I will spend the weekend in this suburban hellhole, but I must have an outlet. If you don't let me mock your small town and the pitiful excuse for a date that is Pete Black, I will go insane and I will take you with me!"

I definitely missed bringing the BSC snark. I think meeting the Lerangis and hearing about all the prequel hooplah has inspired me to return to it. You'll be seeing a lot more of it!