Monday, June 28, 2010

Movies in a Minute: Little Shop of Horrors

Producer David Geffen: "We'd love to see what you can do with this movie musical, Frank. Just make it a little more family friendly than the original. Less botanical Faust, more the Great Venus Fly Trap Caper."

Director Frank Oz: "Wokka wokka!"

Seymour: "Hi Audrey. You look pretty today. What do you call that shade of eyeshadow?"

Audrey: "I walked into a wall, by Max Factor."

Mr. Mushnik: "Get out of here, urchins. Quit loitering!"

Ronette: "Man, I wasn't loitering, were you, Crystal?"

Crystal: "Not me, Ronette, how about you, Chiffon?"

Phil Spector: "The lack of royalties! Damn you, Geffen."

Mushnik: "That's it. We're closing up the plant store. I knew I should have gone into pawnbroking."

Seymour: "Wait--maybe if I put this strange and interesting new plant in the window, it'll attract customers."

Man: "Excuse me. I couldn't help noticing that strange and interesting new plant."

Seymour: "It's an Audrey II. It appeared after the total eclipse of the sun."

Man: "Well, goodbye. Wait, while I'm here, I'll take two dozen roses. I'll need them to woo Catherine O'Hara into starring in my next mockumentary. It's about an overweight Southern belle whose four year old is the toast of the kiddie pageant world."

Mushnik: "We're in business! Kids, I'm taking you out to dinner."

Audrey: "I can't. I've got a date. Orin said he's sending me to the moon tonight."

Seymour: "Are we still going out?"

Mushnik: "You're not going anywhere, Seymour. You're staying home to nurse that sick plant and develop your Bob Cratchit like martyrdom while I indulge myself."

Seymour: "Oh, Twoie. What is it you want? What is it you need? I think I know what you want...oh boy. I'll give you a few drops, if that'll appease..."

Sadako: "If it weren't two decades too soon, we could just hand out razor blades at a Fall Out Boy concert and we'd be rolling in it."

Mushnik: "Business is better than ever!"

Seymour: "Audrey, will you help me upgrade the taste level of my clothing to used car salesman?"

Audrey: "I can't tonight. I've got a date with my boyfriend. He's a professional."

Mushnik: "What kind of professional wears a leather jacket and drives a motorcycle?"

Orin Scrivello: "I am your dentist..."

Crystal, Ronette, Chiffon: "Here he comes, girls, the leader of the plaque...He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good..."

Geffen: "Do you think we could work in a He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss) ref, guys?"

Audrey II: "Feed me! FEED ME!"

Seymour: "Okay. Uh. I'll just run down to Schmendrick's and pick you up some nice fresh sirloins."

Audrey II: "Must be fresh. Must be human."

Edward Cullen: "That's just sick, man. You should really go vegan. So much better for your pores."

Seymour: "I don't know anyone who deserves to get chopped up and fed to a hungry plant!"

Audrey II: "Mm, sure you do."

Sadako: "Was there a Timothy Treadwell of the plant world?"

Seymour: "I'm...I'm here to kill you. Only I think I have to wrestle with myself about whether this is really worth it, and what it means to--"

David Geffen: "No. He's just going to die of gas poisoning. No pesky moral dilemma here that could run the risk of the audience not loving the protagonist! In our script, Orin Scrivello even stipulated in his will that he wanted to be devoured upon death, Armin Meiwes style."

Audrey II: "Feed me! FEED ME!"

Sadako: "God, it's worse than being Sally Struthers and Rob Reiner's assistants."

Seymour: "I love you, Audrey."

Mushnik: "A dentist's uniform in the trash? And then I catch you kissing his girlfriend? It begins to look like a motive!"

Seymour: "I guess I have to get more blood on my hands."

Frank Oz: "No, actually. Geffen rewrote the original stage version again, crossing out anything that would make your character look unsympathetic. Just stand there looking nebbishy while Audrey II does his thing. No guilt or moral ambiguity here!"

Mushnik: "Besides, I was planning on blackmailing you anyway. And I wouldn't take you out to dinner that one time. Hate me, audience, hate me as though I'm a botany inclined Miranda Priestly!"

Audrey II: "Mmm. But where was the cream filling?"

Seymour: "Creepy. Let's run away, Audrey."

Audrey II: "I call shotgun. Literally."

Seymour: "No! Time to destroy the vegetable for once and for all. Looks like we won and Audrey II was destroyed."

Audrey: "Let's move into the next available Levittown!"

Frank Oz: "And that was the end. Or...was it? Animated spin off series featuring a hip rappin' Audrey II, here we come!"

David Geffen: "And that's as close to a dark ending as I'm getting."