Thursday, September 16, 2010

Anti-Drug Moments: Very Special Sitcom Episodes

Earlier this year, I wrote a blog-post on anti-drug PSAs of our childhood. I enjoyed that so much that I decided I needed to revisit the anti drug message in its more potent form: the Sitcom Very Special Episode. Here are video clips and recaps of some of the best "Drugs're bad, MMMKAY?" moments in sitcom history.

Family Ties

In which Uncle Ned (a young Tom Hanks) shows up with an alcohol problem.


Alex: "You were at the top once! Look at all these news clippings of your accomplishments. Young Executive of the Year, 1980. When you made Junior Vice President by the age of 28. Or in 1982, when Scrooge McDuck invited you to swim in his golden coin bank."

Uncle Ned: "No, Alex I'm all washed up! LEAVE ME ALONE!" *slap*

Steve: "You have a problem, Ned. You need help."

Elise: "Becoming VP by age 28--what the hell was that about? You need to recognize your attachment to corporate America is a serious problem. Take part in a few pro ERA rallies, come to a March for the Rights of Migrant Workers. Sign a Legalize Hemp petition."

Steve: "Oh, and maybe hit up AA if you're not doing anything."

Ned: *sob* "I hit Alex..."

Sadako: "Which you're only allowed to do if he tries to replace the family's autographed Timothy Leary photograph with a portrait of Nixon cuddling Checkers."

7th Heaven

In which Matt Camden takes a marijuana joint home (and becomes one of the few, the proud: the only sitcom characters to genuinely carry drugs just because a friend gave it to him). And in which Reverend Camden finds it and has an even bigger hissy fit than the time Mary brought home The God Delusion.


Matt: "It was my joint. I'm sorry. I didn't think--

Reverend Camden: "That's exactly right, you didn't think! Is this why you've never held down a job? Or why you thought the fruit that Adam and Eve ate was an apple, when nearly all Scriptural evidence points to it being a quince?!"

Full House

I don't have a direct clip, but we all remember when Kimmy Gibbler got drunk at a frat party, and DJ attempted to break off all contact with her--and the touching scene where Danny Tanner convinces DJ that it's not the end of the world to have a friend who likes to get drunk at parties.


DJ: "You might as well know, Dad. Kimmy was drinking at that party. Don't worry, I wasn't drinking."

Sadako: "We all knew you had problems having fun the moment we found out that your childhood stuffed toy was a Pillow Person and not a plush animal."

DJ: "And I've completely written Kimmy out of my life. I don't need someone like that."

Danny: "You may not need Kimmy, but she may need you, honey."

Sadako: "Yeah. None of her other friends are going to be both sober and without plans on weekend nights. And no one else is going to have the Tanner knack for getting regurgitated Schnapps out of a shag carpet."

Fresh Prince of Bel Air

Seen (scene) here.

In which Will confesses to Uncle Phil that it was his speed pills that put Carlton in the hospital.


Will: "Those speed pills that Carlton took at the school dance? The ones that took him from an uptight Tom Jones loving Oreo into an In Living Color extra? They were mine. I wasn't even sure if I was gonna take 'em...I'm sorry, Uncle Phil."

Uncle Phil: "Sorry? My son could have died because of you. You hurt him and you could've hurt yourself! You've hurt all of us! This family came this close to transforming from a slightly hipper incarnation of the Huxtables into a sepia toned version of the Bundys!"

Beverly Hills 90210

In which David Silver goes on meth in order to hold down a job as a college radio DJ. (I'll pause here to stifle a few giggles over the fact that the only credentials you need to currently do David, Martha Quinn or Kennedy's job are a Twitter account and some free time.) And in which Dylan McKay counsels David on how to get rid of his remaining drugs.


Dylan: "David, what are you doing? We've gotta get rid of this stuff. Flush it down the toilet."

David: "Are you kidding? Did you see Goodfellas--that stuff's worth a LOT of money."

Dylan: "You get off on getting high, David. You don't want to get rid of this stuff, do you? You're on the ledge, Silver. Don't jump."

David: "Can you flush it? I couldn't even deal with getting rid of Donna's dead goldfish."

Dylan: "No, man. I'm not gonna flush it. You are."

*Flushing Montage*

Dylan: "There may just be hope for you yet, Silver. And long nights ahead for the plumbers and sewage workers of America."