Thursday, September 9, 2010

Movies in a Minute: Back to the Future

Doc: "I've done it! I've created a time machine."

Marty: "Out of a Delorean?"

Doc: "Well, I was thinking of using a refrigerator but a Delorean will make a better Hot Wheels tie in and generate fewer wrongful death lawsuits from the parents of impressionable kids. Well, I'll look you up in the future. This is one small step for a white haired eccentric. One giant leap for mankind. Oh no, Marty! I don't know how, but they found me!"

Marty: "What is it?"

Doc: "The last remaining ethnic stereotype we could make fun of! LIBYAN TERRORISTS! Run, Marty!"

Marty: "Doc! No! Whoa. 1955."

Biff: "Hey McFly! Don't forget to do my homework for me this weekend."

George: "Thank you, Biff, may I have another?"

Marty: "You're George McFly!"

George: "Yeah, so?"

Marty: "Dad...Dad? He's a peeping tom. Dad!"

Mr. Baines: "Oh, great, I hit another one. Help me get him into the house, Stella."

Marty: "You're're the walking embodiment of every Oedipal fantasy that's ever lurked in the recesses of my id!"

Lorraine: "Hi...Calvin. I mean, Marty. I've never seen anyone with purple underwear before..."

Sadako: "Go easy on her, Marty. The last time she had this much excitement was when the Ed Sullivan producers slipped up and showed a few of Elvis's unedited gyrations."

Marty: "Doc! Let me in! I'm from the future!"

Doc: "Okay, Future Boy. We'll send you back with a convenient lightning storm taking place in a week. Don't screw with ANYTHING. Unless it's cute throwaway gags like teaching rock stars songs that they're supposed to know already or making sure Twin Pines gets its first black mayor."

Marty: "Uh, Doc. The thing with that is--"

Doc: "Great Scott. Well, let's play matchmaker for your parents."

Lorraine: *giggle* "Hi, Marty."

Doc: "Apparently your mom's amorously infatuated with you, instead of your father."

Marty: "Whoa. Doc. I don't understand. Are you saying my mom's got the hots for me?"

Doc: "Precisely."

Marty: "Doc, in English, please?"

Doc: "Yes."

George: "Okay, very funny, you guys are being real mature."

Doc: "What did your mom ever see in him?"

Marty: "I guess she felt sorry for him because her dad hit him with the car." Beat, pause. "He hit me with the car."

Marty: "George, come on. Ask Lorraine to go with you to the dance."

George: "I can't. I have to stay home and watch my favorite show, Science Fiction Theater. I'm thinking of inviting over some equally socially inept buddies, recording our witty observations about the program, and then marketing it as a franchise to fans of bad sci fi movies. What do you think?"

Marty: "No! Do I have to incur the wrath of George Lucas?"

Lorraine: "Calvin! I mean, Marty. I was wondering if you'd ask me to the dance this weekend. I'm planning on wearing my pointiest bra."

Marty: "Wouldn't you rather go with George McFly?"

Lorraine: "Oh. Well, he's cute and all but nothing comes between me and my Calvin."

Sadako: "Besides, Buddy Holly hasn't yet introduced the world to the nerdy chic look and Elvis Costello hasn't cemented its appeal."

Biff: "McFly! I thought I told you never to come in here."

Marty: "Hey, Biff. Look!"

Lorraine: "That's Calvin Klein. He can make fleeing from a gang on a modified scooter look cool!"

Biff: "I'm gonna get you for this!"

Aladdin: "Mental note. When running away from a pack of angry men, manure is my friend."

Marty: "New plan, George. I'll go to the dance with Lorraine. We'll park. I'll try to take advantage of Lorraine. And you say...George, your line."

George: "Get your damned hands off of her. But do you really think I ought to swear?"

Charlton Heston: "Of course. It's how you convince liberals, gun control advocates, and sentient apes you really mean business."

Marty: "Yes, George. You'll punch me, I'll be down for the count, and you two will walk off into the sunset. Everything will be great except for that heavy pause years from now when she'll ask you if you've ever lied about anything in your life."

Doc: "Well, everything's all ready."

Marty: "Doc, about the future--"

Doc: "No, Marty! No man should know too much about his own future!"

Oedipus Rex: "I damn well beg to differ."

Doc: "Whatever you have to tell me, it'll have to wait. Now go put the moves on your mother."

Marty: "Lorraine, what are you doing?! You shouldn't drink or smoke!"

Lorraine: "Oh, Marty. Don't be such a square."

Mallory Keaton: "Nice try, but I've been telling him that he's less cool than our parents for years."

Lorraine: "Something's not right, Marty. Somehow...when I kiss's like kissing my brother."

Cathy Dollanganger: "You say that like it's a bad thing."

Biff: "You cost three hundred dollars damage to my car and I'm gonna take it out of your ass."

Sadako: "I'm suddenly wondering how many little gay boys wore out this part of the tape."

Lorraine: "Get off of me!"

George: "Hey, you, get your damned hands off her!"

Biff: "Ow."

George: "Are you okay? Want to go to the dance with me?"

Lorraine: "Sure. Maybe we can stop off at the rape crisis center for a nightcap after?"

Marvin Berry: "I hurt my hand. The dance is over unless you can find another guy to play bass."

Marty: "But my parents are supposed to kiss at the dance and fall in love! They're simple, impressionable folk and love just isn't going to happen without the kind of song Sha-Na-Na would later cover!"

Marvin Berry: "Well..."

Marty: "Now for something that really cooks. This is an oldie where I come from..."

Marvin Berry: "Chuck, Chuck! This is your cousin, Marvin Berry. You know that new sound you were looking for? The soulful but hard rocking bluesy sound that you couldn't find collaborating with Muddy Waters or while growing up in the segregated South? I think I found it in this small Caucasian boy!"

Chuck Berry: "Nothing I like better than sharing my writing credits with little white boys!"

Audience: "..."

Marty: "I guess you guys aren't ready for this yet..."

Sadako: "They're not even ready for Frankie Valli at this point--if they can't handle a little white guy singing falsetto, they won't be able to wrap their minds around a little white guy playing heavy metal."

Marty: "...but your kids are gonna love it."

Lorraine: "George is gonna take me home, Marty..."

Marty: "See you guys around. Now, if only I had time to tell Doc...wait, that's it! I'll go back ten minutes early. Doc! Oh no!"

Doc: "Psych! I got your note. I wore a bullet proof vest."

Marty: "What about all that talk about the space time continuum?"

Doc: "Forgotten until I have to lecture you about picking up sports almanacs for gambling purposes."

Marty: "I'm back! And my dad's tough and successful, my mom's hot and thin, my sister's popular with boys, and my brother's got a good job that requires a three piece suit!"

Sadako: "And gender stereotypes are upheld!"

Biff: "I finished waxing the car, Mr. McFly!"

George: "That Biff, what a character. Always trying to get away with something. Uh, Lorraine, honey, remember to carry your pepper spray if you go out while Biff's still working on the car."

Doc: "Marty! They've approved us for a sequel! Get in and let's go!"